Just Click your Heels

It's really all about the shoes in this one.

I don't particularly like the dresses. They're not totally offensive, but the fabric is difficult and the color is dated.

I DO, however, like what is being done with the shoe situation. I think it looks both youthful and fun that their shoes are each a different color (even though some shades might match the purple of their dresses more than others) and that the bride opted for purple.

I kinda wish the the bridesmaid on the far left would have chosen a brighter color (yellow? orange?) and worn a higher heel, and that all the girls would have actually worn the same style of shoe (like the cute round-toe red and green pairs, and I assume the bride's as well)...but what can you do?

Compared to some of the wedding catastrophes WB has witnessed lately, this is cute and kind of unique.

I'll take it.

First of Fall

It's finally autumn almost everywhere in the northern hemisphere but Baltimore - it's only a balmy 30 degrees celsius today in Baltimore. Still, even here, south of the Mason-Dixon line, drop in temperatures or not, the arrival of the fall equinox means the cultivation of the Fall Wedding alongside the abundant crop.

Among these are Fall Weddings Done Well.

This is an outdoor venue:


and these are great flower arrangements:


This:


that turns into this in the evening:


is the way to throw a party.

These are genuine seasonal bouquets and contemporary and flattering bridesmaids dresses in a fall-appropriate palette:


These are trendy shoes on every bridesmaid (for the sake of consistency):


This is grey-and-aubergine as God intended:

This is an appropriate cake and cake set-up:


Finally, this is a bride who, though her dress tends toward the snooze-fest, at least knows her accessories:


Charming. I am charmed.

Fall brides reading: just remember - you reap what you sow ... and that's not always a bad thing.

Scroll-Down Bridal Fail

Oh, bride. You were doing so well. The flower in your hair, the cinch belt at the waist, the pretty but not overly ornate sweetheart-cut bodice ... I mean, the skirt's a bit of a snore, but whatever. Overall, you looked solid.

What on EARTH is on your feet? Where was your MOH and her intervention team when you bought these?

1995 called: it wants its confirmation shoes back.

Bridal Flop

Time for a reader pop quiz. This one's easy: we know you can get it.

Q: What's worse than flip-flops on a bridesmaid?

(see answer key if necessary)

edirb eht no spolf-pilf detnecca :A

10 points if you got it right.

Priorities

When planning a wedding, we at WB will be the first to tell you that it is important to prioritise: develop an itemised list of things to do or concepts to explore, then streamline, shortlist, rearrange. It's a formula that never goes wrong.

Consider:

Plastic chairs and dollar-store decorations: check.

Lack-lustre (and mismatched) colour scheme for groom and groomsmen: check.

For table (plus underwhelming centerpiece): check.

Garish flip-flops for bridesmaids: check.

Flower girl's hand-made seating arrangement chart: check.

Open bar: check.

Candy bar and croquet: check, check.

Honestly. How did "candy bar" make it next-to-LAST on this list (asks the woman disapprovingly watching the flip-flop-clad BM make her way down the aisle. Jesus. Where's my sour kids after that?)?

Love Handles

BM1: I shouldn't have eaten so much at lunch ...

BM2: Whatever. You're not even that bad. My pastrami-on-rye is showing straight through my spanks.

BM1: Really, Kristen? You made us all wear SPANDEX? Seriously?

BM2: I know, right? Like, she keeps our dresses knee-length and cleavage-conservative but gets them in the tightest, most unforgiving fabric known to man.

BM1: I mean, we all like to bike, it's true, but I like to save my spandex for the road.

BM3: Am I the only one who's really happy about these flip-flops?

BM4: Yes.

BM3: But they're so comfy ...

BM4: Are we at the beach? Can't we flatter our calves for just ONE day? Just one ...

BM3: Whatever. Our groomsmen are so short - would you have preferred towering over them?

BM4: Yes. Yes I would have.

Saved by the Bell: The College Years

"Get to the chapel before the bell rings ..."

(Jessie sits in the common room, reading. Margot enters barefoot from next door.)

Jessie: Hey, I thought you were studying ... don't you have your big Cal final tomorrow?
Margot: Yeah ... I needed a break.
Jessie: I hear ya. Hey, cute dress -- is that what you're wearing to the costume party next week?
Margot: Huh?
Jessie: 5th floor New Rez is throwing a costume party next Friday and all of Douglas is invited. Are you going?
Margot: I hadn't thought of it, but maybe ...
Jessie: Oh. Well, I thought you were trying that dress on for the party. Are you gonna wear your hair that way??

Margot: I mean, I don't know ... I'm actually on my way out right now ... I guess I'll think about it later?
Jessie: OOOOOOH! Where are you going?
Margot: To my wedding.

Jessie: TO YOUR WEDDING? YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED?
Margot: Yeah, I thought you knew.
Jessie: I didn't know. Well, congratulations! Can I see your ring?
Margot: Well actually, the ring is just an heirloom -- it used to be my great-grandmother's and I'm wearing it for good luck. Rob proposed with this animal bracelet, though.

Jessie: ooooooooooh - did you get the farm animals or the domestic animals?
Margot: This one is a cat.
Jessie: My eight year-old cousin has a bunch of these ... they're super cool.
Margot: Yeah, all of 3rd floor is wearing them ... I think they're trendy now or something.
Jessie: Yeah.
Margot: Ok, well, gotta run. See you next week, maybe. Have fun at the party if I don't end up going.
Jessie: I will! Have fun at the wedding! OMG, I can't believe you're getting MARRIED!
Margot: I know, right?

while contemplating existence on a Saturday afternoon...

While perusing one of our favorite websites, TIMCHIN Photography & Design everyone at WB were overcome with glee - we finally found a Bride who did (almost) everything right!

celia : oooh stephanie and morris' wedding! i LIKE it! her gown is one of a kind, they say.

CCB: holy jesus, is it ever. LOVE the shoes.

celia: i know! there are feathers on her shoes, bouquet, and even on the groom's boutonniere!

CCB: THIS is a bride who listened to us.

celia: i can't believe it! her dress may be a little "superhero", but i LIKE.

celia: i'm even OK with her veil. and her hair, because the curls look natural.

CCB: agreed. she's generally well-accessorized. she didn't overdo it, but certainly didn't underdo it either.

celia: check out their rings! nice!

CCB: wait. lovers forever? cheese. but cute, i guess.

celia: well the engraving in AWFUL. but i love that they used rose gold!

CCB: also, her gown has pockets. which i don't usually like, but i love how they look with the high-set bracelets!

celia: ooohhh i didn't even notice the pockets!

CCB: you see?

celia: LOVE.

CCB: i knew you would.

celia: what about the bridesmaids? what do you think?

CCB: i like the fact that there are two colours in the scheme. overtly. and done well.

celia: it looks great because it matches, but isn't "matchy-matchy". success! although i wish they had chose a better fabric. one that wouldn't wrinkle as easily.

CCB: maybe it was meant to look wrinkled?

celia: i don't know how i feel about that.

CCB: i like the flowers in the bms' hair.

celia: me too. but i don't like that the green girls' flowers are blue. i wish there was some more green in them.

CCB: i don't mind that so much. i think it's ok. the bm at the far right has really hot shoes.

celia: yes. she looks very put together and the least wrinkled.

CCB: she looks familiar to me. i think maybe i went to elementary school with her. she was a disaster then. but, what do you know at 11 years old?

celia: true. i wore hats all the time at 11. like, inspired by blossom. it was my signature look.

CCB: some things never change.

.....

CCB: i wonder how thrilled the Chins would be if they knew that we had already booked them for our respective weddings. in our brains.

celia: they would be thrilled, i'm sure.

CCB: they seem like nice people.

celia: we would inspire the hell out of them.

CCB: we really would.

I Do (Mean Business)

So, I wasn't completely sold on this dress when I first saw it. It's certainly cute, but it's a little ... business-lunch for me. Am I wrong? The slate grey, the structured A-line, the high neck, the stiff(ish) fabric ....

(and no, she is not wearing a cape, and yes, I wondered if that's what that yellow stuff behind her was at first, too. If ONLY it were a cape; it's nothing but a very anti-climactic tablecloth.)

Then I scrolled down (to what unexpectedly became the opposite of a "scroll-down fug"):

And fell a little bit in love.

(The shoes! Oh, the shoes!)

Let's not exaggerate. I'm not thinking about asking this outfit to marry me next month. I have to get to know it a little better before I can take the plunge, but I'm willing to do that, now. I'm willing to get to know it a little bit better, because it showed me that it had a more interesting side: one that is satin and yellow, and full of summer fun!

Everyone (with cute shoes) deserves a second chance.

and Miami Makes Three

Florida has been having a good (and sometimes bad, but on the whole, acceptable) month. To wit, the third of an unplanned series on The South and the Things it Does Well.

Exhibit C: BM dresses

We LOVE these dresses. We love everything about them: the length, the double (complimentary) fabric, the draping, the originality. In short: they are wedding-appropriate and contemporary without feeling like cocktail dresses.

Some girls went awry with footwear and accessories. Black shoes? Really? A choker or chunky silver necklace dangling a heavy silver heart? ... not so much.

The near-identical pink in the lily bouquets do give a "matchy-matchy" effect to the whole ensemble, but not so egregious that it takes away from the look, when executed well (as below).

Miami, that's hot. WB approves.

No, no, no, no, no

Michelle: Yo, B, we's been dancin' for hours. Can I take off my shoes?
Beyoncé: What? No, Michelle. No you canNOT take off yo' shoes. We got a video to shoot.
Kelly: But B, it's like that time we were at that wedding where, by the time we got to da conga-line, the bridesmaids was so spent they just put on they flip-flops ...


Beyoncé: No, no, no, no, no
Kelly: But it's really yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah?
Beyoncé: No, I'm sayin' NO, no, no, no, no


Michelle: But it's really yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah?
Beyoncé: Gurrl, now you just actin' a fool. Dass da same wedding where the bridesmaids was wearin' two-piece tube dresses and holdin' cheap flowers.


Michelle: But my feet hurt.
Beyoncé: Do you WANT to be a superstar or not? (to herself): I swear, one day, imma go solo on these bitches ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYEqt29MEgQ

Point System

Bride:

+ 3 points for not having a horribly tacky dress - it's pretty.

+ 1 point for not choosing a horrible bouquet.

- 1 point for a style of veil which I can never bring myself to approve of.

- 2 points for clearly ignoring the "WB Hair Guide".

- 1 point for having a destination wedding in the Dominican Republic. (puke)

Bridesmaids:

+ 1 point for the parasols. They may be kitschy, but I kinda really like them.

+ 1 point for your dress color not completely offending my eyes.

+ 1 point for being able to "choose" the cut of your dress.

- 2 points for the AWFUL length of the dress. You got married on a beach, Bride. A BEACH. There is no need for your bridesmaids to be that demure and "covered up". They CAN expose their knees without offending the Dominican people, and all resort guests.

- 1 point to Bridesmaid # 1 : ankle strapped shoes will not help the hem situation.

- 1 point to Bridesmaid # 2 : those clunkers will not help the sand/grass situation.

- 5 points to nothing matching. The parasols, the hair, the dresses, the shoes, the beach - none of it really makes sense together. If you want a destination wedding, you gotta COMMIT.

Total score: Not sure. I was never strong in math.

Bridal Sneakers

If there is one thing that upsets me most, it's a bride who insists that she wants to feel "comfortable" on her wedding day.

Personally, I want to feel comfortable when I sleep. For most other daily activities, I usually just tough it out. Which is why I am so confused when brides insist on opting for practical and sensible footwear. Why anyone would want to look "practical" on their wedding day is beyond me. Sure, your wedding may not be the best time to bring out your 5 inch lucite hooker heels, but there is nothing wrong with a cute fashionable peep-toe.

Baring this in mind, I introduce to you the most heinous piece of footwear I have ever laid eyes on :

My soul weeps for the bride who thinks this is OK.

For more options (oh yes. there are options) check out: http://www.thelovelybride.com/all_heel_heights.aspx

Are shoes even too much to ask for?

It's no secret that I hate beach weddings.

But I just find that they are simply too difficult to pull off properly. Sue me.

Here is a prime example:

I don't know what I find more offensive.

The fact that the groom is wearing a wooden-beaded choker necklace.

Or the groomsmen in general. I mean, look at those outfits! And they're barefoot, for God's sake! BAREFOOT! And the best part is that everyone else is wearing shoes! I cannot believe that I actually found myself RELIEVED when I noticed that groom was wearing (hideous and atrocious) flip-flops!

It's as though the flight carrying the original groomsmen was late, so the bride and groom just replaced them with the resort's hotel staff!!

Beyond unacceptable.

And while we're here, I'm just wondering what is going on with the bridesmaids. I think separately, each dress isn't too bad. But mixing it up with these green-and-black combinations is cheesier than Velveeta. Also, these people clearly didn't read the WB bouquet guides.

One of these things is not like the other ...

You tell us:
what's wrong with this picture?



Is the bride overdressed for her beach-side wedding, is the groom underdressed, or are they both just completely insane?

I don't know whether to be more disturbed by the FLIP FLOPS on the husband-to-be, or by the HAWAIIAN SHIRT on his guest ...

JUDICIAL SUMMONS

To the below-described defendant : COMPLAINT

Enclosed herewith, please find the official complaint issued by one Sir Sandro Botticelli concerning theft of intellectual property, copyright infringement, violation of legal protection against fraudulent, tasteless, and unoriginal reappropriation of genius, or, to be short, article 3(a) of the Copyright Act (R.S., 1985, c. C-42).

Below follow the plaintiff’s claims to original property:

Item 1: Plain, shapeless, uninteresting though overtly stylistic drapery
Item 2: Figure in playful pastoral stance
Item 3: mismatched and inappropriate footwear adequate for frolicking through rolling hills
Item 4: limp, lyrical, artificially (and unnecessarily) tousled hair

As well as his laments more generally concerning:

Item 1: capsleeves
Item 2: the disposition of one about to taste her First Holy Eucharist

You are asked to review the charges against you and, if so desired, find proper legal counsel. Please present yourself before a judge at Quebec's Superior Court at the below-specified time and location.

NB: Academics accused of professional plagiarism are ineligible to act as legal consultants.

Consider yourself served.

Your expedient reply and cooperation are expected.

We, the undersigned, celia and CCB on behalf, posthumously, of the Most Illustrious, Late Great Sandro Botticelli, M.F.A., 1445-1510.

Two-Ply

Every bride should walk down the aisle equipped with kleenex. Usually, the Maid of Honour, or some other lucky constituent of the bridal party is bestowed the rare privilege of supplying it and/or safely storing and/or carrying it around. Some brides, however, prefer being
self-sufficient and/or sentimental. This green bride thought she might reuse AND recycle on her big day; why buy a wedding dress at all, when you can just use the toilet paper rendition your friends made for you at your bridal shower? Why should their hard work be forgotten while you steal all the glory? The simple answer is, it shouldn't. And this bride knows her place.

So the TP idea was maybe not the best she's ever had. Still, this bride is serious about her footwear. We simply ADORE the punch of colour she lends to her gown in this simple yet bold, understated yet striking detail. We'd like to see more of that.