I was gonna go get hitched, but then I got high

Barbara: Wow, Greg. We really thought this would be a good idea, didn't we?

Greg: I remember the night we came up with the plan. Your lesson had gone terribly that morning. Your meeting with your supervisor had gone worse, and the only thing waiting for you when you got home was your grant application rejection.

Barbara: We smoked a lot of pot that night.

Greg: You wanted to get married right away. You said it would be smarter to combine our incomes.

Barbara: Wasn't it?

Greg: You said we could have the party in your supervisor's backyard

and get the first years to cater.



And what would look nicer for a fall wedding than your new patterned dress and dark tights?


Barbara: Did we really get Justin to officiate?



Greg: You insisted.

Barbara: But hadn't he JUST defended?

Greg: He read from his dissertation at the ceremony. Don't you remember?


Barbara: Greg, we smoked a lot of pot that night, too.

Greg: Yeah. The cake was too small.

Barbara: Aww! The newbies remembered that I love tomatoes!

Honor Chair

Is that what I think it is?

Is that LOVE CHAIR?

A GIANT love chair at the honor table for the bride and groom? That is both padded and made of white pleather??

I mean, let's not kid ourselves, if I had it my way I would probably spend my entire wedding reception sitting on an (elevated) throne, sans honor table.

But this is just....strange?

For that "Jeans and a T-shirt" kind of couple...

Loyal reader "Ro" recently came across this set of pictures, and couldn't resist the urge to share it with the rest of the WB community.

I was thinking of the different ways I could possible introduce this post, and for the first time in my life I can honestly say that I am at a loss for words.

Just take a look for yourselves:

and this:

one more:

Ok. Like, WTF??

Besides the obvious (this is both ridiculous and completely unacceptable / are you both insane? / this is taking flip-flop wearing brides to a whole new level / why are you both dressed exactly alike / you look like 12 year old siblings who have to pose for one of those tacky family photos from Sears), I just think that this is a total slap in the face to all your guests.

Your guests who got all dolled up for your damn "special" day. Who got their hair did. Who got their nails did. Who are stuffed in their Spanx. Who are wearing killer footwear. Who are decked in their most uncomfortable suit and tie.

THIS is how you thank them?

By being unable to last in your wedding dress and tux past the ceremony??

Shame on you.

Shame on you both.

I am completely BORED by you.

Adventures in Overkill

Ah yes.

The Art of Overdoingit.

While there some brides who bore me to tears, there exists another subset of brides who seem to want to do it all. While doing it all wrong.

Whatever do I mean?

Let me give you some visuals to work with.

Exhibit A:

Purple and Yellow. Yellow and Purple. Paired with the stiffest and most uncomfortable looking fabric ever. This is so matchy-matchy, my eyes are actually crying purple and yellow tears. And yet - do these shades even match? And what is up with all the different types of bouquets? Are those two MOHs? Why is that child holding a purse? Oh god. Is she a junior bridesmaid (let those words never be seen or spoken again)? This bride tried so hard to be cohesive that her bridal party just ended up looking like one hot mess.

Exhibit B:

This has to be a joke, right? I mean all those pleats. And silver. And sequins. And wind. Why, bride? Why? I think I would flat-out kill my wedding photographer if he would even suggest such a heinous pose. Also, I'm pretty sure the MOH got her fan at one of the stands they have outside of the Vatican.

Exhibit C:

Ack! I mean, I understand that the leather-jacket-over-dress look is trendy now, but this is styled completely wrong. The whole point of this look is for something very "tough" and "edgy" to be paired with something "soft" and "girly". So, if this was what the bride was going for, she should have chosen a more delicate and flowy bridesmaid dress in a lighter shade. This style of dress seems so "heavy" that the leather jacket simply brings it down even more. Also, this look is supposed to seem effortless, so those sleeves should be rolled up in a very haphazard way. I find it strange that the girls each have different jackets - I mean, the girl next to the MOH is wearing one that is way too long and the blonde bridesmaid at the end might actually have one with a hood! It's all so atrocious and overproduced. Not to mention that when you decide to have 10 bridesmaids, you should not have them in identical dresses because your bridal party ends up looking like some sort of weird army. Lastly, I don't even want to get into the bride's leather jacket or her boobilicious laced-up bustier top. Yet, when I look at her bridal party, should I even be surprised?

Overkill.

Get it now?

Leo?

I really wanted to comment on this bride's dress, because the skirt seems kinda pretty - so lightweight and flowy.

But I became way too distracted by her groom.

Listen up, Groom. You are NOT Leonardo DiCaprio at the Romeo + Juliet premiere.

So do us all a favor - button up and put on tie.

Real Subtle

Penis Veil.

Well, what else am I supposed to call it? That's basically what it is. A veil. With a bunch of (caucasian) penises attached to it.

For a bachelorette? Oh. How creative of you.

Don't get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with penis paraphernalia at a bachelorette party. But, can you at least try to be a little more inventive and innovative with it?

This just seems lazy. And poorly executed.

Wardrobe Malfunction

Dear Bride,

The tie fastens up under the skirt. (It's not really that cute as a bracelet).

Dear guest,

Your underwear is showing. The washroom's around the corner.

Much love,

WB

Here Come the Brides (?)

Julie's big day had finally come, and she couldn't wait to showcase the dress she (and, by association, Fernando) had saved up for months to buy for just this day. Encrusted the skirt over with crystals, her gown was a princess' dream and had cost a small to medium-sized fortune. But it was alright, she thought. She'd justified her purchase by deciding to put her bridesmaids in duplicates of the other dress she had on order just in case her gem didn't get delivered on time, or was ill-fitted, or stained, or otherwise imperfect. It was a good thing she'd had a plan B: it was coming in handy after all.

But now Julie had other things to worry about. Which of her two best friends would be her maid of honour,

and how would she make them both feel special? She'd promised the austere and traditional

Lucy the spot years ago, while madly in love with Chester and before she'd even met Fernando. Since then, though, she'd gotten inordinately close with the bright and edgy Pamela who

had proven her salt in the most difficult of times. What was worse, the girls couldn't agree on a style or a colour for their dresses.

She'd just have to go with both. It was only a shame that no one present would understand either girl's function within the wedding party (or at all).

Bridal Flop

Time for a reader pop quiz. This one's easy: we know you can get it.

Q: What's worse than flip-flops on a bridesmaid?

(see answer key if necessary)

edirb eht no spolf-pilf detnecca :A

10 points if you got it right.

Love Handles

BM1: I shouldn't have eaten so much at lunch ...

BM2: Whatever. You're not even that bad. My pastrami-on-rye is showing straight through my spanks.

BM1: Really, Kristen? You made us all wear SPANDEX? Seriously?

BM2: I know, right? Like, she keeps our dresses knee-length and cleavage-conservative but gets them in the tightest, most unforgiving fabric known to man.

BM1: I mean, we all like to bike, it's true, but I like to save my spandex for the road.

BM3: Am I the only one who's really happy about these flip-flops?

BM4: Yes.

BM3: But they're so comfy ...

BM4: Are we at the beach? Can't we flatter our calves for just ONE day? Just one ...

BM3: Whatever. Our groomsmen are so short - would you have preferred towering over them?

BM4: Yes. Yes I would have.

Saved by the Bell: The College Years

"Get to the chapel before the bell rings ..."

(Jessie sits in the common room, reading. Margot enters barefoot from next door.)

Jessie: Hey, I thought you were studying ... don't you have your big Cal final tomorrow?
Margot: Yeah ... I needed a break.
Jessie: I hear ya. Hey, cute dress -- is that what you're wearing to the costume party next week?
Margot: Huh?
Jessie: 5th floor New Rez is throwing a costume party next Friday and all of Douglas is invited. Are you going?
Margot: I hadn't thought of it, but maybe ...
Jessie: Oh. Well, I thought you were trying that dress on for the party. Are you gonna wear your hair that way??

Margot: I mean, I don't know ... I'm actually on my way out right now ... I guess I'll think about it later?
Jessie: OOOOOOH! Where are you going?
Margot: To my wedding.

Jessie: TO YOUR WEDDING? YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED?
Margot: Yeah, I thought you knew.
Jessie: I didn't know. Well, congratulations! Can I see your ring?
Margot: Well actually, the ring is just an heirloom -- it used to be my great-grandmother's and I'm wearing it for good luck. Rob proposed with this animal bracelet, though.

Jessie: ooooooooooh - did you get the farm animals or the domestic animals?
Margot: This one is a cat.
Jessie: My eight year-old cousin has a bunch of these ... they're super cool.
Margot: Yeah, all of 3rd floor is wearing them ... I think they're trendy now or something.
Jessie: Yeah.
Margot: Ok, well, gotta run. See you next week, maybe. Have fun at the party if I don't end up going.
Jessie: I will! Have fun at the wedding! OMG, I can't believe you're getting MARRIED!
Margot: I know, right?

Weddings à la Flo Rida.

Here at WB, we work around the clock. 24/7. Even when on vacay.

While in Fort Lauderdale this past week I couldn't help finding WB-worthy material to share with our lovely readers.

For consistency, let's go the traditional Good vs. Bad route.

The Good:

This photo was taken on the trendy Las Olas blvd. I don't know anything about Zola Keller or her boutique, but I do know that this is one hell of a window display. The dress on the left was ridiculously gorgeous in person. Although it may be difficult to see in the picture, the skirt was made up predominately of feathers which were placed around each swooooshing ruffle. The dress on the right is for a different kind of bride, one who is probably looking for a sexy and glamourous Old-Hollywood type of gown. But this dress is equally as beautiful as the other, in both style and construction. (Although, I must add that I do not think that either dress needed a necklace).

The Bad:

Oh yes. A beach wedding. Right outside my hotel window. Is this a destination wedding, or is this a Floridian couple? Either way, the entire ceremony confuses me.

*Why are they so far away from the water?

(And therefore, so close to the busy street. The bride is standing a couple of feet away from the sidewalk.)

*Why are there so few guests?

(I understand that some people prefer a small and intimate wedding, but lining up six or seven chairs just looks awkward, especially while some guests are standing.)

*Where exactly is the bride walking?

(Is there an aisle or will she just walk in between the awkwardly placed chairs?)

*Did they have to pick the area so close to picnic tables and garbage bins?

(Unacceptable.)

*Most importantly, is anyone shoeless?

(I hope not.)

Thanks, Florida.

Twins

Hmmmm....

On the right: Bride-to-be at her engagement party. Cute dress.

On the left: Mother-of-the-Bride-to-be at her daughter's engagement party. Probably insane.

On what planet is this considered normal human behavior? How did this woman think it was OK for her to essentially copy her daughter at her engagement party? How did the bride not object to this?

So many questions...

Dearly Departed

Father Mackenzie had been invited to lunch after the funeral. It seemed only natural: he had known Mrs. Draper for thirty years. Presiding over her final mass had been difficult, but he had found comfort in the presence of her three children and loving extended family.

He approached the banquet hall - this was to be an elaborate affair - and had a peak inside: he couldn't recognise anyone, and the table setting seemed a little superfluous, even for the Drapers, but the black curtains, carpet, tablecloth and slip covers, and the austere damask all signaled grief to him.

As he reached to open the door, he suddenly noticed a bride approach him with a quizzical look on her face. "Are you here for the Johnson-Smith wedding?" she asked. It was then that Father Mackenzie knew that the Johnson-Smiths could probably use a good, old-fashioned blessing.

Pink, as the bing on your cherry.

Pink:

The color of love. (puke)

The color of passion. (barf)

The color that some brides just can't seem to avoid. (sigh)

Many girls love the color pink. That's fine. But just because you think it's pretty, does not make it an appropriate color theme for your wedding.

The color pink has to be done very carefully and thoughtfully. One wrong move, and your wedding could end up looking like Barbie's funhouse - not cute.

Take this wedding. It's not even that the bride went that overboard on the pink. I'm sure it could have been a lot worse. The problem here is that there was absolutely no sense of cohesiveness. You cannot simply use every shade out there and assume it'll work just because it's "pink". Let's take a look:

The wedding party :

There isn't anything too offensive about the bridesmaid's dress. Hell, I think the Bride may have even been reading WB's Bouquet Guide when choosing her flowers (pretty!). But that shade of fuchsia may be just a few shades too bright, that when paired with that fabric, ends up looking tacky. Also, the pink and black tie on the groomsman is completely off. And, let's be honest, a little on the ugly side. And, is he waving?? Unacceptable.

The table of honor:

The MOH's dress seems pretty, but that soft pink (unfortunately) clashes with all the other shades bastardized at this wedding. The cake is also quite awful - both in color and construction (the ribbon looks Barbie pink). And are those gifts wrapped in pink and BROWN? What does brown have to do with anything?

The music:

I don't care if you're the best wedding DJ in town (does that even exist?), that setup is atrocious! And kinda sleazy.

The guests:

I assume the DJ/MC forced these get-ups upon the guests. At least the men got to wear florescent green. Not pictured: each hat came paired with color coordinated sunglasses. (Also, have you not read the WB post about how wedding guests don't really want to participate).

Oh pink. Because you are so very...

Showered with...

I don't care how "funny" you are trying to be.

How "original" you think you are.

How "enjoyable" you think this will make your Bridal Shower.

Penis cupcakes are NEVER ok.

Especially when of the ridiculously "untamed" variety (see bottom left).

Coming soon to a mess hall near you ...

The legendary Tim Burton and first-time Oscar-winning director Kate Bigelow team up for their first full-length feature film collaboration: The Corpse Bride in Iraq - a stunning visual experience and a gripping tale of black satin, rifle bouquets, and army fatigues.


The New York Times calls it "Remarkable" and the Washington Post gives it a good, old-fashioned, army salute.

Coming soon to a mess hall near you.

Thanks, Adam, for this fortuitous find.

No, no, no, no, no

Michelle: Yo, B, we's been dancin' for hours. Can I take off my shoes?
Beyoncé: What? No, Michelle. No you canNOT take off yo' shoes. We got a video to shoot.
Kelly: But B, it's like that time we were at that wedding where, by the time we got to da conga-line, the bridesmaids was so spent they just put on they flip-flops ...


Beyoncé: No, no, no, no, no
Kelly: But it's really yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah?
Beyoncé: No, I'm sayin' NO, no, no, no, no


Michelle: But it's really yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah?
Beyoncé: Gurrl, now you just actin' a fool. Dass da same wedding where the bridesmaids was wearin' two-piece tube dresses and holdin' cheap flowers.


Michelle: But my feet hurt.
Beyoncé: Do you WANT to be a superstar or not? (to herself): I swear, one day, imma go solo on these bitches ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYEqt29MEgQ

Well, this takes a lot of effort.

Apparently, the newest fad in Save The Date invites is to make an "EPIC Wedding Trailer" - essentially, tell your guests to "save the date" via a (YouTube) video.

This one is (supposedly) the best video to date.

I have to say, this is well done. But, I find it only really picks up around the 2:30 mark - maybe that's because they should have edited about 2 minutes out?

Check it out:

(I know. It's off-centre. But this is as good as I could get it. Don't blame Jeff and Erin.)

What do you think?

Horribly tacky? Yes. Lacking taste? Most definitely. Maybe a little funny? Ummmm...yes.

I have to admit, I found myself laughing more than a couple of times. Maybe I'm losing my edge.

Home Hardware

I wish, dear readers, that you could see the priceless expression on this man's face.

He seems even more offended by this poor excuse for a doily, than I am. I think I've found my soulmate.

Meanwhile (and at the same wedding), I didn't realise Alcan got themselves a mascot. Good for them.

Because nothing screams "Multi-million dollar Aluminum Corporation" more than this glorious piece of elegance.