First of Fall

It's finally autumn almost everywhere in the northern hemisphere but Baltimore - it's only a balmy 30 degrees celsius today in Baltimore. Still, even here, south of the Mason-Dixon line, drop in temperatures or not, the arrival of the fall equinox means the cultivation of the Fall Wedding alongside the abundant crop.

Among these are Fall Weddings Done Well.

This is an outdoor venue:


and these are great flower arrangements:


This:


that turns into this in the evening:


is the way to throw a party.

These are genuine seasonal bouquets and contemporary and flattering bridesmaids dresses in a fall-appropriate palette:


These are trendy shoes on every bridesmaid (for the sake of consistency):


This is grey-and-aubergine as God intended:

This is an appropriate cake and cake set-up:


Finally, this is a bride who, though her dress tends toward the snooze-fest, at least knows her accessories:


Charming. I am charmed.

Fall brides reading: just remember - you reap what you sow ... and that's not always a bad thing.

Ahead by a Century

is a great song by The Tragically Hip.

This headband

is behind by two decades by a bride who is Tragically Trying Too Hard, and obviously failing.

(The over-crystalled bodice? The plastic tablecloth cascading in greasy ruffles in pseudo-skirt form? The mismatched earrings? The offensive hairdo? The unoriginal bouquet? The headband is maybe the least of this bride's concerns.)

There were subtler - and much, much prettier - options available to you, bride.

(I know you can see an "epic guide" in the making.)

Real Subtle

Penis Veil.

Well, what else am I supposed to call it? That's basically what it is. A veil. With a bunch of (caucasian) penises attached to it.

For a bachelorette? Oh. How creative of you.

Don't get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with penis paraphernalia at a bachelorette party. But, can you at least try to be a little more inventive and innovative with it?

This just seems lazy. And poorly executed.

while contemplating existence on a Saturday afternoon...

While perusing one of our favorite websites, TIMCHIN Photography & Design everyone at WB were overcome with glee - we finally found a Bride who did (almost) everything right!

celia : oooh stephanie and morris' wedding! i LIKE it! her gown is one of a kind, they say.

CCB: holy jesus, is it ever. LOVE the shoes.

celia: i know! there are feathers on her shoes, bouquet, and even on the groom's boutonniere!

CCB: THIS is a bride who listened to us.

celia: i can't believe it! her dress may be a little "superhero", but i LIKE.

celia: i'm even OK with her veil. and her hair, because the curls look natural.

CCB: agreed. she's generally well-accessorized. she didn't overdo it, but certainly didn't underdo it either.

celia: check out their rings! nice!

CCB: wait. lovers forever? cheese. but cute, i guess.

celia: well the engraving in AWFUL. but i love that they used rose gold!

CCB: also, her gown has pockets. which i don't usually like, but i love how they look with the high-set bracelets!

celia: ooohhh i didn't even notice the pockets!

CCB: you see?

celia: LOVE.

CCB: i knew you would.

celia: what about the bridesmaids? what do you think?

CCB: i like the fact that there are two colours in the scheme. overtly. and done well.

celia: it looks great because it matches, but isn't "matchy-matchy". success! although i wish they had chose a better fabric. one that wouldn't wrinkle as easily.

CCB: maybe it was meant to look wrinkled?

celia: i don't know how i feel about that.

CCB: i like the flowers in the bms' hair.

celia: me too. but i don't like that the green girls' flowers are blue. i wish there was some more green in them.

CCB: i don't mind that so much. i think it's ok. the bm at the far right has really hot shoes.

celia: yes. she looks very put together and the least wrinkled.

CCB: she looks familiar to me. i think maybe i went to elementary school with her. she was a disaster then. but, what do you know at 11 years old?

celia: true. i wore hats all the time at 11. like, inspired by blossom. it was my signature look.

CCB: some things never change.

.....

CCB: i wonder how thrilled the Chins would be if they knew that we had already booked them for our respective weddings. in our brains.

celia: they would be thrilled, i'm sure.

CCB: they seem like nice people.

celia: we would inspire the hell out of them.

CCB: we really would.

Take Point

This morning, I was pleased to find out that two friends from high school got married this weekend and had a wedding that actually didn't bore me to tears.

And when I'm feeling particularly pleased, I like to award people points.

(please note, dear readers, that when I'm in a sour mood points are taken away left and right. consider yourselves warned.)

+ 3 points go to the bride.

Birdcage veil? That'll get you one big ol' point. Non-traditional bridal hair? Nice! Here's another. Intriguing choice of dress? Uno! The dress has an interesting shape, and I like the two brooches. I also like the one-strap, which falls nicely in the back, along with the train (see below). I might like the back even more than the front. The fabric of the dress kills my soul a little - I hate satin, so I definitely wouldn't choose it for my wedding dress. But, I'll let it slide because the dress works and really suits the bride's personality.

+1 points go to the MOH.

Tie dye? Risky move, but I think I like it (so pretty! so bright! so different!) - along with the detailing around the neck and chest: + 1. Brightly colored bouquet? Why not? I could have done with less pink flowers, but it does make the bouquet less "matchy-matchy": + 1. Unflattering fit of the dress? Unless she's prego (she may be??): - 1. No one wants to wear a sack.

+ 4 points go to the pooch.

Dog, in a tie, walking down the isle with the newly married couple? I die. Photos show that he was up there during the entire ceremony! Sold.

That's Bawlmer, Hon

Tracie: Hey, honey, Chelsea just sent me her pictures from our wedding - wanna see?

James: Sure.

Tracie: Ok, these are not in order ... oh! What a pretty shot of the Baltimore Museum of Industry. You know, I'm glad we listened to that woman at the bridal expo and had the reception here - it's such a staple of the city.

James: It is.

Tracie: Didn't cost that much, either.

James: Nope.

Tracie: Your parents look so happy.

James: I don't think they noticed the Natty Bo place-card at their table.

Tracie: You know I love your parents, but they're a bit of a bore. There's nothing wrong with Natty Bo. He's a Baltimore staple, too.

James: He sure is. I'm sure Jen and Stacey loved the aesthetic - seems right up their alley.

Tracie: What is that supposed to mean?

James: Nothing, baby. Which is which?

Tracie: What do you mean?

James: I mean, which one is Stacey?

Tracie: The MAN! The MAN is Stacey.

James: Right. It's a very manly name. Jen, I think, really pulls off blue-collar 50s chic here, bull-style nose-ring and all.

Tracie: Are you making fun of my friends? Of OUR friends?

James: No! I like her hair ... it's a nice colour. She matches our décor.

Tracie: You're an asshole.

James: Hey, at least my friends came looking normal.

Tracie: Just because Tyler's wearing a shirt and tie doesn't mean he looks normal. Would it have killed him to shave and get a haircut? Oh, I suppose he might have if his easy-breezy beautiful granola-licking girlfriend had decided, for once, to do something with her own hair other than sweep it up into the same ponytail she wears home from the gym.

James: That's my sister. You put her in the wedding party.

Tracie: Yeah, and she's also the one who convinced me to wear this napkin on my head and this horrible plastic ring and mismatched earrings. What was I thinking listening to her?

James: The flowers in your hair are pretty.

Tracie: Are you changing the subject?

James: No, babe - just focusing on the positive.

Tracie: When do you go back to work?

James: We JUST got to Jamaica.

Tracie: It's gonna be a long honeymoon ...

Home Hardware

I wish, dear readers, that you could see the priceless expression on this man's face.

He seems even more offended by this poor excuse for a doily, than I am. I think I've found my soulmate.

Meanwhile (and at the same wedding), I didn't realise Alcan got themselves a mascot. Good for them.

Because nothing screams "Multi-million dollar Aluminum Corporation" more than this glorious piece of elegance.

Veiled.

Veils.

Another tough issue.

Does one go the traditional route? Or venture off into the unknown?

Luckily, we have made a veil guide.

Please follow closely.

VEIL GUIDE

by: WB

TRADITIONAL VEIL

DO keep it classy and traditional. Yes, it is true that nothing bores me more than the type of traditional veil this bride decided to wear. But I will have to admit that there is nothing particularly hideous about it. It is pretty (and I am thankfully she opted out of a tiara). It does not offend my eyes. It just bores me to tears. But maybe it's just me.

DO NOT forget that it is 2009. It is not 1982, and therefore height most definitely does not matter. But at the same time, please DO NOT think that it would be a-ok to just "place" a veil to the top of your head and call it a day. A little bit of volume never hurt anybody. This bride seemed to have forgotten that she is no longer 8 years old and "playing bride" by putting the drapes or sheets on her head. This is actually your wedding day, bride. Put the doily away.

BIRDCAGE VEIL

DO consider wearing a birdcage veil. These veils first caught our attention when Reese Witherspoon's character wore one in the wedding scene in Sweet Home Alabama. There is really nothing more glamourous or dramatic. Veils don't have to be long, cascading and overpowering. It's really unnecessary. And usually, it will just take away from your dress. The birdcage veil is short, sweet and sassy. What more can a bride ask for?

DO NOT gather inspiration from Lady GaGa. She's crazy. You probably aren't.

LESS IS MORE

DO remember that wearing a veil is not obligatory. Usually, keeping it simple is best. Now that doesn't mean you have to be boring. Headpieces are so much fun! Forget the veil and just stick something feathery and glittery in your hair, like this bride.

DO NOT go overboard and wear every single trend out there. Take this bride - she's got a traditional long veil, a birdcage veil AND an atrocious colored feathered headpiece on. No, no and no. You have got to pick one, and stick to it. Attaching a long veil to a birdcage veil really defeats the purpose. And red feathers?? RED? Are you wearing a plume? Is this supposed to be some kind of French Revolution chic? Unacceptable.

(But I do wonder what secret she's telling him?)