WB, j'écoute

Remember when we showed you this?


Girl, you got it.

Thank you for listening.

First of Fall

It's finally autumn almost everywhere in the northern hemisphere but Baltimore - it's only a balmy 30 degrees celsius today in Baltimore. Still, even here, south of the Mason-Dixon line, drop in temperatures or not, the arrival of the fall equinox means the cultivation of the Fall Wedding alongside the abundant crop.

Among these are Fall Weddings Done Well.

This is an outdoor venue:


and these are great flower arrangements:


This:


that turns into this in the evening:


is the way to throw a party.

These are genuine seasonal bouquets and contemporary and flattering bridesmaids dresses in a fall-appropriate palette:


These are trendy shoes on every bridesmaid (for the sake of consistency):


This is grey-and-aubergine as God intended:

This is an appropriate cake and cake set-up:


Finally, this is a bride who, though her dress tends toward the snooze-fest, at least knows her accessories:


Charming. I am charmed.

Fall brides reading: just remember - you reap what you sow ... and that's not always a bad thing.

Adventures in Overkill

Ah yes.

The Art of Overdoingit.

While there some brides who bore me to tears, there exists another subset of brides who seem to want to do it all. While doing it all wrong.

Whatever do I mean?

Let me give you some visuals to work with.

Exhibit A:

Purple and Yellow. Yellow and Purple. Paired with the stiffest and most uncomfortable looking fabric ever. This is so matchy-matchy, my eyes are actually crying purple and yellow tears. And yet - do these shades even match? And what is up with all the different types of bouquets? Are those two MOHs? Why is that child holding a purse? Oh god. Is she a junior bridesmaid (let those words never be seen or spoken again)? This bride tried so hard to be cohesive that her bridal party just ended up looking like one hot mess.

Exhibit B:

This has to be a joke, right? I mean all those pleats. And silver. And sequins. And wind. Why, bride? Why? I think I would flat-out kill my wedding photographer if he would even suggest such a heinous pose. Also, I'm pretty sure the MOH got her fan at one of the stands they have outside of the Vatican.

Exhibit C:

Ack! I mean, I understand that the leather-jacket-over-dress look is trendy now, but this is styled completely wrong. The whole point of this look is for something very "tough" and "edgy" to be paired with something "soft" and "girly". So, if this was what the bride was going for, she should have chosen a more delicate and flowy bridesmaid dress in a lighter shade. This style of dress seems so "heavy" that the leather jacket simply brings it down even more. Also, this look is supposed to seem effortless, so those sleeves should be rolled up in a very haphazard way. I find it strange that the girls each have different jackets - I mean, the girl next to the MOH is wearing one that is way too long and the blonde bridesmaid at the end might actually have one with a hood! It's all so atrocious and overproduced. Not to mention that when you decide to have 10 bridesmaids, you should not have them in identical dresses because your bridal party ends up looking like some sort of weird army. Lastly, I don't even want to get into the bride's leather jacket or her boobilicious laced-up bustier top. Yet, when I look at her bridal party, should I even be surprised?

Overkill.

Get it now?

Hot and Cold

Last weekend, Katy Perry celebrated her Bachelorette Party in Las Vegas.

Apparently, Rihanna organized it.

Apparently, they're all sorts of BFF.

((groan))

I know.

What is the point of Katy Perry?

And does anyone actually *like* Rihanna?

Is Rihanna her MOH?

Who knows.

But I'm actually gonna have to give them some credit...

First, here they (along with other guests/friends/bridal party/whatever) are at some Cirque du Soleil show. Why is Rihanna the one in white? Even if it's not the day of the wedding, and maybe Katy Perry even gave her the "OK", it's still kind of a dick move, non? Anyways, Katy Perry looked nice in a dress that is typically "Katy Perry" and her little veil/top hat thingie is super cute (although I cannot endorse the purple and pink hair). So, ok. Fine.

The next day, the BFFs (and other guests/friends/bridal party/whatever) hit up some pool. Katy Perry was (thankfully) the only one in white. And her little tulle train/butt veil is kinda cute. Again - ok. Fine.

Lastly, I have my (and their) pièce de résistance:

bwahahahaahahahahahahahahahahaha

While the giant penis is kind of predictable, the message is solid gold.

I'm not sure who came up with this - KP? Rihanna? Either one's assistant? Ordinary-person bridal party member?

Regardless, I will officially award them all - collectively - 2 points.

Not bad.

Vera + David = ??

When one thinks of David's Bridal, I doubt images of Vera Wang's gorgeous couture wedding gowns come to mind.

Yet (in probably her smartest move in awhile), Vera has actually teamed up with David's Bridal and created "White by Vera Wang", a line of high quality and affordable (signature Vera Wang) wedding dresses, each ranging from 600$ to 1400$.

I know what you're thinking, dear readers:

WHHHHHAAAAATTTT??

VERA WANG FOR THAT PRICE?? NO WAY! THESE DRESSES MUST BE HIDEOUS AND ACTUALLY BE MADE OUT OF TOILET PAPER!!!

Actually, no.

Take a look at the (first) 10 dresses unveiled:

Not bad, Vera.

Other than the sad looking dress on the bottom row (5th), I sincerely like what I see. Each dress is a distinct style, making the overall collection appealing and accessible to many different brides.

Personally, I'm crazy about the 3rd dress on the bottom row (who's surprised?). The folds on the skirt (the fabric looks so luxe!) and the one-sided sleeve makes it incredibly modern.

The best part is, most of these dresses look like they could easily be in the 2000$ + price range, especially with a Vera Wang tag inside.

(Note that the 3rd and 4th look on the top row were inspired by the gowns she created for Chelsea Clinton and Ivanka Trump, respectively).

So Fashionista Brides, get ready. The White collection (in its entirety!) will be in stores in February 2011.

Check out this video with Vera herself, as she gives you (and Oprah.com (therefore, the entire world)) an exclusive sneak peak.

Man of Honour

Egos and estrogen had run too high. As the gay ringleader of a pack of jealous girlfriends, Jerry knew he'd never make it to "Maid of Honour": there were too many female contenders for the position, and he was okay with losing -- after all, MOH was big responsibility, and he was happy, for once, to peruse the company at the promised open bar and let Rory handle behind-the-scenes.

It was *just like* Rory to get plastered the night before the wedding, lose the bride's gown, and run off with the first random Greek man who'd talk to her. And when it came down to it, of course Jerry had a spare dress on hand, because what else are gay best friends for?


But fuck if he was gonna compromise his mint new Prada kicks and carry it over the craggy cliffs himself - that was all Brother-of-the-Bride duty.

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

We've all seen them: the drunken and barefoot team of matching pink t-shirts struggling to run through the red light at 2am. They are spearheaded by the lady labelled "Maid of Honour." Close behind her are others with "bridesmaid" stamped across their backs. Successfully across the street, their counterpart in white, a fuchsia "BRIDE" spanning her chest, chiffon veil stuck flat to her sweaty hair, awaits her most prized crew of friends for more shot-taking, sharpie-scrawling, random-stranger-photographing fun.

Oh, how we LOVE a good bachelorette party ...

Personally, I'm all about the debauchery. What's a girls' night out without the next-day's promised embarrassment? A ladies' night out.


Oy.

Am I the only one to lament the return of "sophisticated" doe parties? What's with all these small groups of women dressed tastefully in their hottest LBD and deadliest pumps? Re-wearable matching headbands? A bride distinguished not by a tacky piece of fabric flowing from her forehead (or by the token piece of male anatomy showcased somewhere near her face)


but by a cute headpiece and trendy pearls?


Come on.

24-size font on ill-fitting cotton across the boobs replaced with 14-size embroidery on lace intimates?



Whaaaaaaaaa?

This is NOT what Cyndi Lauper had in mind, I'm sure.

Good Enough to Eat

I'll give it to you: showers are tough, especially when it comes to food. I mean, you want to serve something tasty, but not at the expense of aesthetic appeal and entertainment value, right?

Right.

Consider this:

or even this:


a tasteful alternative to this.

You're welcome.

(courtesy Raw Sugr Creations)

Racial Profiling

Oh, come on, don't tell me you weren't thinking the same thing:

Asia really has "knick-knacks" down pat. I dare you to go to any Chinatown, Japantown, Koreatown anywhere in the world and not find something this cute and useless, but completely wedding-appropriate.

The real question about this wedding favour is: does it or does it not beat fortune cookies stuffed with custom-made dirty messages?

Wait. No roses?

Someone FINALLY understood what it means for a bouquet to "match" your bridesmaids' dresses, without being "matchy-matchy".

+ 8 points for choosing an absolutely lovely bridesmaid bouquet. I love the color and the flowers of choice! I am in a state of utter shock that there exists a bride who did not use roses for her girls' bouquets.

- 2 points for that atrocious ribbon. Simply unnecessary. Why must it be white? And why must in hang down in such an offensive (a gift-like) fashion?

+ 2 points for the color of the dresses.

- 3 points for the fit, fabric and folds! Such a pretty color gone wasted on such a boring and predictable (straight-cut and floor length) style of dress. I can only assume that the bride was going for "simple and understated", but she ended up with a snoozefest.

Close. Oh-so-very.