Better than a wedding guest...

Ladies and Gentlemen...

We are thrilled to be posting a piece by one of our devoted readers - marie!

A couple of months ago, marie won our Comment Competition and was awarded a "Contributing Writer" spot which gave her the opportunity to submit something to WB.

Jealous? We thought so.

So here you have it! Enjoy.

Thanks, marie!

Weddings Are Overrated, True Love Isn’t

by: marie

Why do people get married? For love or money? Technically, I suppose the right answer

would be for love. Actually, in my humble opinion, marriage is a celebration of love, and strictly of love between two people.

Naturally, for the loving couple, the wedding celebration is very, very important. It is the only moment of their relationship in which they have the right to be as romantic as they want without annoying everybody. Even then, well…

Many girls fantasize about their weddings as early as the age of 5. Many women already picked out their engagement ring, wedding dress, bouquet and wedding cake even before they pick out their future husband! So much fun! ...where are the men at?

At this point, you’re probably thinking: “omg that’s me!” or “these women are ridiculous!”

Recently, I watched an episode of Say Yes…to the Dress on TLC. That’s when I realized how annoying women can be when it comes to their wedding planning. The worst part is that they think have the right to be this way because it’s the only day in their life where it can be all about them. I think that women who want their wedding to be all about them usually want everything else to be all about them in the first place and the wedding won’t be an exception. Look, I agree that the wedding should be all about the bride…and well the groom as well I suppose, but there’s no need to be all bitchy about it!

Watching Say Yes…to the Dress got me so angry, you don’t understand. There are all these picky and annoying groups of people who come into Kleinfeld looking for a dress. When asked what style they’re looking for, most women are looking for the “princess look”. They want to be a princess on their wedding day! Of course, can’t blame them, they just want to look their best! I know, I get it! But what I don’t get are women who try so many princess dresses and get pissed off because they look bad in all of them or they don’t like any of them. Check, maybe you’re just not meant to be a princess. No matter how much you try, you will never be Cinderella so why not try another style? Princess dresses are so overdone anyway. And honestly, all the big puffiness is just confusing and pointless. Try something new and more original. But no…they are stubborn and whiny: “I WANNA BE A GODDAMN PRINCESS ON MY WEDDING DAY!”

Another annoying thing about weddings and such is that the mother and the mother-in-law, always have something to say about everything. The bride likes it. The bride’s mother doesn’t like it. The bride’s mother like it, the groom’s mother doesn’t like it. How about you all just STFU and let the bride decide. I’m not in favour of whiny princess wannabes or anything, but it’s true, the wedding is about the bride (and groom) and not about mothers (duh!). They mean well, of course, but they must keep in mind that if they were unhappy about their own wedding 30 years ago, there’s no need to take out the anger on their daughter’s wedding.

The mother and others could express their opinion, obviously, nothing can stop them but they can only be suggestions. Ultimately, the bride will have to decide what to do and she’ll have to deal with the outcome. Come on, it’s not a big decision here. The dress, the cake, the flowers, the invitations and so forth aren’t the most important things about the wedding. They just compliment the union of two happy people, in love. There’s no room for family quarrel. I think a mother who gets into a heated argument over a stupid bridal dress with her daughter, the bride, isn’t there to help but to create unnecessary conflict. Your daughter wants this dress, but you don’t like it. You can tell her what you think and let her think. Also, the bride shouldn’t get defensive about her mother’s opinion because no worries, she won’t make you get anything you don’t want to get.

Some weddings give people headaches. Some try to make everything perfect and go through shit just to get there. Some spend so much time planning the stupidities that nothing turns out right and the food is bad, the guests are angry and the newlyweds get pissed off because they just spent a lot of money on a crappy wedding ceremony. Some rich people plan the wedding of the century, everything from a 50 000$ wedding gown, to gold plated wine glasses, to designer table cloths. Two years later, they get a divorce. For them, the wedding is a banquet, play time, a joke. For some, the wedding ceremony is a way to prove something to themselves to others, kinda like an ego booster. Sometimes, couples break up while planning their wedding because it’s too hard to come to a common solution. (WTF)

To make a long story short, people spend way too much time freaking out about the useless details of the wedding that they tend to forget about the reason that brought them there. If two people truly love each other, it shouldn’t really matter all that much what shade of white the invitation envelops should be in. I’m not saying “don’t get a wedding gown, get married in your pjs”, but I mean, make it fancy, elegant, modest, whatever you want, but most of all, do not exaggerate.

let them eat (my) cake.

Well, NOW we're talking.

Why wouldn't I want a giant cake of myself on my wedding day?

Bad Romance

Reading Manolo Brides, I came across these:



which, I can only imagine, were designed for the Gags.

Breaking with Pattern

So far, the only print we've seen in our wedding research is the ever hideous newsletter we posted about months ago. Oh yeah, and that one MOH dress that we really liked. So when we saw this:

we didn't really know what to think.

Individually, the dresses are nothing spectacular. I mean, they're certainly pretty, but I have one just like them (only shorter) that I got for $30 at Suzy Shier. You feelin' me?


Still, it was brave of the bride not only to choose a pattern for her bms, but to go WAY out on a limb and put them in BLACK AND WHITE, and we always tip our hats to anyone daring enough to break with convention. What's more, she keeps it fresh and feminine by throwing in the soft pink bouquets. Sure, they're a little simple, but they HAVE to be: anything more elaborate would completely detract from and defeat the purpose of a patterned dress.

This is one of those "the whole is greater than the sum of its parts" things. I mean, the party looks gorgeous all together.


Not even throwing the bride in the mix throws it off-balance.


One caveat:
yes, ok, fine, it's now okay to wear navy blue and black together, and the "red and pink don't match" idea was thrown out the window years ago. Still. Unless directly requested by the bride (as per bridal party thematic specifications), it is a poor choice to wear a floor-length fire-engine red number to a wedding. ESPECIALLY when you will be made to hold pink flowers. Don't do it. Just think twice, for the sake of our love, for the memories ... This is getting serious ...

(Bonus points for anyone who can Name That Quote ...)

Are shoes even too much to ask for?

It's no secret that I hate beach weddings.

But I just find that they are simply too difficult to pull off properly. Sue me.

Here is a prime example:

I don't know what I find more offensive.

The fact that the groom is wearing a wooden-beaded choker necklace.

Or the groomsmen in general. I mean, look at those outfits! And they're barefoot, for God's sake! BAREFOOT! And the best part is that everyone else is wearing shoes! I cannot believe that I actually found myself RELIEVED when I noticed that groom was wearing (hideous and atrocious) flip-flops!

It's as though the flight carrying the original groomsmen was late, so the bride and groom just replaced them with the resort's hotel staff!!

Beyond unacceptable.

And while we're here, I'm just wondering what is going on with the bridesmaids. I think separately, each dress isn't too bad. But mixing it up with these green-and-black combinations is cheesier than Velveeta. Also, these people clearly didn't read the WB bouquet guides.

Birds of a Feather Flock Together

Yes yes, ok, fine. You've seen a lot of "feathery business" on here lately, and maybe you're annoyed. Well guess what? Our celebrity guest contributor, Jen Watson, is NOT. In fact, she's sent in a whole gaggle (by google) of images from a recent wedding that employed the feather-flower 1-2 punch to maximum effect. Have a gander:


This, dear readers, is a real-life example of what we have referred to (just in our last post) as a "fearless bride." Texture. Pattern. Variety - a mixed media bouquet, all within classic, earthy tones. Let's have a closer look:


What more could you possibly ask for, you ask?

The same thing applied to the bridal party.

But wait, it doesn't stop there. This bride brought her floral theme full-circle by applying it to the groom. Why leave your man out while you have all the fun? Every bird does, after all, have not one but two wings.

We love it. Many thanks to Jen for this exceptional find, and well-done, bride!

Color me...

You've seen our Guide to White Bouquets, so we thought it was only fair to share our thoughts on bouquets of the colored variety.

Intrigued?

Read on.

A Guide to Colored Bouquets

by: WB

DO mix it up! Want to stick with the same type of flower? Well then choose a few shades of color to work with. Afraid of using too much color or too much of that flower? Well then spice things up with a variety of flowers!

DO try and embrace some bright colors! Just because you're getting married, doesn't mean the only color palette you can use involves pastels. This bride's wedding was in October, so she chose autumn-friendly tones of orange, yellow and red. How lovely!

Summer wedding? DON'T be afraid to use some darker hues! Sure this bouquet has a variety of flowers AND colors, but when it all works so well together, who could object?

DON'T be boring!! Even if you decide to stick with a one-color/one-flower bouquet, you can still keep it interesting. Feathers! Buttons! Stripes! Bows! Don't be afraid to show a little character, Brides! Or, you will likely just put your guests to sleep with your predictability. No one wants that.

But please, DON'T overdo it! You don't want to seem like a boring bride, but you don't want to give your guests a seizure either. Are those ribbons I see? Was there an Awful Bouquet contest to be won?

DON'T get stuck in the 80s. No matter how many times your mother tells you that V-shaped cascading rose bouquets are "classic", don't listen. She is dead wrong. And probably just reminiscing about her own wedding.

And on on the topic of roses, DON'T opt for the usual red rose bouquet. Been there, done that. Oh, I see, you want to seem a little more original by adding "diamond" studs? How predictable. I'm still grossly unimpressed by your efforts, Bride.

Moral of the story: Fun and original = good. Boring and dreary = bad. But at the same time, try and stick to a theme - choosing either a specific flower or color. No one wants a train-wreck bouquet. Or do they?

Still not sure what is right for you? Let's take a look at a few examples:

For the Traditional Bride:

Soft colors, rich textures, and an intriguing arrangement. A bouquet can be classic, yet still interesting and youthful.

For the Dramatic Bride:

Want to make a statement? Not afraid of a little black? Is Vivienne Westwood your idol? Then this calla lilly bouquet is for you! Incredibly chic and gorgeously dramatic.

For the Fearless Bride:

Colors! Feathers! Pearls! Borderline offensiveness! You don't care. If it's different, you want it. So show those roses-toting brides a thing or two, with this feathered masterpiece!

For the Bride Who needs to Keep her Hands Warm

So you're having a winter wedding. And you want a bouquet AND a fur hand muff...at the same time. Compromise? Never! Just get yourself the innovative Hand Muff Bouquet, and get ready to throw any taste you may have left, right out the window!

For the Bride Who loves Valentine's Day...a lot

Don't you just love hearts? They're just so....romantic! And isn't your wedding day supposed to be about romance and love!? Well then it's only obvious for you to have a heart shaped bouquet! Who cares if the guests gag in your face each time they lay their eyes on the atrocity in your hands? You're in love! And you want to show it! With flowers! (puke)

For the Bride Who has Lost her Mind

Why of course you want an Ardene- inspired beaded bouquet! I mean, nothing is better suited for your blue trimmed dressed! Although, something is definitely missing in this picture....Ah yes. Elbow length gloves. Also to be found at Ardene's. One-stop shopping for our crazy (albeit lovable) Bride!

These are a Few of my Favourite Things

Feathers. And flowers. Together? As long as we're on a bouquet kick, we thought we'd ask.



Hate it or love it? Vote today.

White-washed -- or NOT

Let's be frank. Since La dame aux camélias, a woman has only been as good as the flowers she bears. Maybe Camille is a bad example for all of the obvious reasons (she was a courtesan, she died of the consumption) and for a series of others. The point is, as much as a bride's dress, her choice of flowers are part and parcel of the success of her big day.

Recently, many brides we've seen have returned to the mores of the prima nocte, when it was customary for young girls to carry daisies and other exclusively white flowers on their wedding day, as an additional symbol of their already assumed purity. Despite our trademark boldness, we don't dislike the idea of an all-white bouquet, but we contend (strongly) that there is a right and a wrong way to go about it.

Presenting, then:

A Guide to White Bouquets
by: WB

DO keep it simple, and DO go all-white, when appropriate, for your bridesmaids. This bride got it:

Fine. We would have preferred seeing the bride holding a *different* bouquet from those that work so well for her girls (especially since most are dark-haired beauties wearing numbers that delightfully and appropriately contrast with their floral arrangements). Still, when the bouquet looks like this:

it's hard to disagree entirely with the decision.

This bride missed it:

The point of having white bouquets for your bridesmaids is to have them pop in some way. These don't. Simply put, it is purely unacceptable to put your girls in washed out beige if you intend on having them carry white bouquets. Un.acceptable. Especially when your centerpieces look like this:

why didn't you go this route for your girls? The white could have been distinctly yours, and everything would have looked so much nicer. What were you thinking, bride? Or were you even thinking at all?

DO enhance an all-white bouquet with a punch of colour. Next to nothing looks nicer, in the fall, than a rich, burnt orange comfortably commingled with a crisp full calla.

DO NOT mistake a variant of white for a punch of colour. Let's put it this way: if you were painting, and you had to add white to whatever colour was on your palette to produce the colour you intend to have stand out against white, reconsider that colour: it probably doesn't work.

DO favour a single-stem (or triple-stem) arrangement - callas work wonderfully - but DO NOT hold it stupidly or have it bound by what looks to be toilet paper. Again, this is your WEDDING, not the makeshift boudoir productions you put on as little girls in your mother's bedroom playing dress-up. Come on.

A few other variants you might like to consider when walking the [white] brick road:

The Rustic Bride

This is perfect for a simple, country girl with a penchant for the modest and the homegrown. Though it features a single type of flower, that flower is NOT a rose. Dare to be original, even when keeping it grassroots.

The Streamlined Bride

We like white roses. We do. It's okay to use a white rose in your bouquet, or even to use several. But *do* mix it up. Afraid of overdoing it? Fine. Choose one other flower - fresia works - and accentuate with a coloured ribbon or, in this case, a stunning neutral. Fresh. Contemporary. Edgy.

The Traditional Bride

Ah, so you love flowers! You can't get enough, but the idea of carrying the botanical gardens down the aisle (rightfully) frightens and apals you. There's a bouquet for you, too. Consider mixing a pair of whites with a pair of greens. It's still an all-white bouquet, but with a healthy hint of variety and vitality.

The Fashion-Forward Bride

You've seen the small, round bouquets. You've seen the bigger, oblong or cascading numbers. You've even seen the round bunches of things that seem to grow within a contrively controlled clime. You're bored with all of that. Try delicately tumbling white baby-orchids, and watch the company stare in awe and admiration at your elegant audacity.

Some approaches we suggest you avoid:

The Bride Who has Lost her Mind

You love Princess Diana and her engagement ring. We get it. You also love shopping at Ardène (and we agree that in a bind and when pressed for $5 costume jewelry, Ardène can be a great place to shop, indeed.) But honestly? This? Are you getting married at the Alan Memorial? At the Douglas? On this planet?

The Bride Who Read Too Many Bridal Magazines

Do you think the caged effect is avant-garde? Do you really think it even can be when combined with white roses and pukebaby's breathpuke?

The Bride who Was Too Cheap to Buy Anything Other than Homely Weeds

It is never okay to hold a bouquet composed entirely of filler (undesirable, too). Never.

So, what did we learn on the show tonight, WBers? It's okay to stay "traditional" and to opt for a white-on-white wedding. But do it with class, do it with panache, commit to it, and think outside the box - or the bunch.

Tienes los ojos en la ... karaoke?

Browsing a frequent favourite, Timchin, for something new and fresh to write about, I came across some pictures that showed enthusiastic guests at what looks like a well-attended wedding busting out what I can only imagine to be bona-fide karaoke tunes, solo and in groups.

Being a huge karaoke lover myself, I immediately thought, "Wow. What a great way to get my guests involved in the party without either forcing them to dance or suffering through their alternately white-washed and inappropriate speeches. I have friends who LOVE to sing - I would TOTALLY do this."

Agree with me or disagree with me. I like the idea of karaoke at weddings - in small segments, of course.


It is NOT okay for a straight couple to get married at a gay karaoke bar in Pasadena and call it an "offbeat wedding," as this couple did. I mean, it probably was offbeat, in a literal way - rhythm is the first thing to go on karaoke night. It was most certainly NOT, however, an offbeat wedding: "three-ring circus" might be the better way to put it.

Plus, do you really want 38,000 people tuning into among the most meaningful experiences in your life just for the novelty of your approach?

Who-oa-oa, what's love got to do
got to do with it?

To Cleav' or not to Cleav'...

Ok, Marla Sokoloff.

So you got married.

And I wanna like your dress. Mainly, because I liked you in all those teen romantic comedies you were in between 1999-2001. And this gown actually looks pretty.

But, that's A LOT of cleav. For your wedding day.

And I appreciate cleav. I do. I embrace the cleav. I expose the cleav. Often, too.

A little less would not have hurt.

selloffvacations.com II

celia: I wonder if this magazine also has a, like "what NOT to do" feature ... like where they show a destination wedding gone really wrong, in every way imaginable.
CCB: Yeah ... it would be nice to have a contrast. Let's keep looking.
(they keep flipping)
CCB: Oh Lord.
celia: That was quick.
CCB: No, but seriously: this is positively masterful.
celia: (looking) Where do we even begin?


CCB: Perhaps with the bride's completely inappropriate - because completely OVERDONE, for BEACHSIDE CEREMONY - dress ...
celia: oh boy ...
CCB: complete with princess tiara.
celia: Can we also talk about the groom's tattoos and rolled up sleeves?
CCB: and the red rose clumsily stuck into his .... is that his SHIRT pocket?
celia: It has to be.
CCB: Wow.
celia: Aw, look, a "cute" shot ...


CCB: (insert puke emoticon here) I might vomit right over that bouquet and disrupt its cliché. Let's see if the reception was any better.
celia: oh look, a mariachi band!
CCB: You're joking.


celia: Already that's one HELL of a party.
CCB: says also the goom's COMPLETE state of dishevelment ...


celia: Unacceptable. What's with that cake? What are those loopy things?
CCB: The circles of hell waiting to welcome us?
celia: Probably. But where are they, exactly? A cafeteria?


CCB: I think so - it looks like it ... Where else would your guests be allowed to enter wearing flip-flops?
celia: God, this magazine is fantastic! We HAVE to post a link to it online.
CCB: We'll go completely out of business if we do - it's just that key.