One of these things is not like the other ...

You tell us:
what's wrong with this picture?



Is the bride overdressed for her beach-side wedding, is the groom underdressed, or are they both just completely insane?

I don't know whether to be more disturbed by the FLIP FLOPS on the husband-to-be, or by the HAWAIIAN SHIRT on his guest ...

MOB?

Maybe it's just me, but somehow cheap purple satin and a backless rhinestone drop just doesn't scream "Mother of the Bride".

Your Spanish Lullabye?

Dear Mom,

So, you know how I was having a hard time deciding on a theme for the wedding? Well I just got back from Spain TOTALLY inspired: I'm gonna go "La isla bonita", you know, like the Madonna video? Anyway, so obviously, my dress will have to be covered in Spanish lace. Now for my girls, well, ok, so there's a whole thought process behind this. First of all, I thought we could put their hair in side-swept up-dos and stick these bejewelled satin rosettes in their coifs. THEN I thought we could use that same style of rosette on their dresses! Like as a single side-strap type of thing ... I picture most of the girls in floor-length, straight-cut numbers with a small ruffle trail in the back, but I think maybe the Jr. bridesmaids should be in something a little younger and more fun ... so, like, maybe we could have a ruffled skirt for them, all the way around. What do you think?



I'm not completely sold on colur yet, but I think terra cotta would look really nice against our Italian countryside estate. Yes?



Also, ok, I know this sounds a little weird, but I can't stop hearing from friends who have been in bridal parties that all the bridesmaids really want to keep their bouquets from the wedding, but just can't find the right technique to freeze or preserve them. That sucks for them. I mean, mine I'm going to have cryogenically frozen and then steamed shut (or something like that ... my flourist friend told me all about how to do it), but I can't do that for everyone, right? So instead, I thought we could just again use those same rosettes in a BOUQUET! The Jr. bridesmaids will only get one each, and the older girls might get two or three that they can keep forever! Think of the memories!

Is it too much? I mean, there will be eight girls in total, so that's a lot of rosettes, but I think it could really work. I love rosettes! Who doesn't?

Anyway, I'd love your feedback, so let me know what you think.

So excited!
CCB

The Two-Toned (one of which is black) Bee's Knees

Here at the WB headquarters, we don’t particularly enjoy black bridesmaid dresses: black should be saved for cocktails and undercover spy missions. But we must admit that although we kind of hate the idea in theory, when done properly, it can look irresistibly chic.

Take this wedding for example. The dresses are short and simple and somehow it works. If these dresses had been floor-length it would have been a disaster of monumental proportions. So if you’re going to do black, you have to keep it short or else it just looks too overwhelming.

Now this bride took the black dresses to another level. She decided to let her bridesmaids wear black AND white. White on anyone other than the bride or flower girl is risky. Yet these dresses look very cute and, dare I say, kind of trendy. I think it is the adorable bow formation in the back that ties this look together. Sure it kind of looks like they should be dusting table tops in an old English manor, but we like it! Also, take note of the MOH’s dress. Yes, it’s long but in this case, acceptable because it’s nearly the same style as the bridesmaids’ which makes the bridal party look like a lovely set. Dramatic and thematic.

But adding another color to a black bridesmaid dress is generally quite tricky. There are few colors that can be added confidently to a black bridesmaid dress. Champagne gold can kind of work. Coral would be hot. Maybe a dark green, and certain shades of pink. But there is just something wrong with the blue + black combo in this bride’s wedding party. The blue seems too shiny, too bright and all wrong. The problem does not end there. Between the offensive color choice, the obscene number of bridesmaids and the varied styles of dresses we find ourselves overwhelmed. Different styles of dresses in the same fabric and color are often preferred for bridesmaids, but this is just taking the idea too far. When you have this many ladies, there should not be as much variation. Some of the dresses are quite pretty, notably Miss Sitting Centre, Miss Sitting Right and Miss Standing First Left. Yet the same cannot be said about the others. What is going on with Miss Standing Fourth Left?

And I don’t even want to talk about the poorly constructed fan formation on Miss Sitting Left’s dress. When dealing with so many styles, there are too many misses and not enough hits that part of this bridal party ends up looking like common guests instead of the Chosen Bridesmaids, and no one wants that. What is missing is some sort of unifying item, which ties them together as bridesmaids and sets them apart from the crowd – like a belt? Or a sash?

We like unification. We do. But since we also love colour, variety, and selection we find it difficult to commit to any one given style of dress or colour. We love continuity, we just hate to be bored. Neither of us, prior to this year, had ever considered going for a two-tonal look with our bridesmaids, but some recent research (almost empirical) in the field has changed our mind. Sort of.

Of course, there are right and wrong ways of doing a two-toned dress, and this leap of faith does not come without its caveats. What we like: a colour palette that makes sense. It doesn’t need to be over-the-top contrastive, and though we like the above pairing of black and white, not all two-toned dresses need pair such diametrically opposed hues. Nor need they be inflexible or finitely coupled. Our tp bride, for example, had her girls in these delectable pseudo-grecian numbers that refuse to limit themselves to a stark grey-white separation and instead allow both colours to flow gorgeously into and out of each other. (In fact, going “Grecian” is becoming increasingly fashionable, and we like that, too.) Check plus.

This colour pairing, however (below), though questionable on its own, works like a dream with the bride. Trendy trick number 2: don’t be afraid to put your girls in dresses that complement yours, brides: you’ll both look better that way. But taking control over your ensemble doesn’t mean stripping your bridal party of free will. Of course you want your main ladies to feel almost as good as you on your big day, and they should have a fair say in what they have to wear (and be photographed in) for twelve hours and counting, which is why this bride has seemingly given them free reign over the style of the tops of their dresses. Each lady has chosen a cut that works for her, displaying more of whichever of the two colours she prefers or thinks better showcases her best features. Each lady has also been given carte blanche with respect to footwear – a very good thing when any of your bridesmaids is over – or looming dangerously near – six feet tall.

This bridal party attempted a similar look and we certainly commend them for it: in fact, though certainly more conservative, they seem to have done better with the colour pairing than our above bride. We also like the cuts each of these particular girls has chosen.

What we could do without is the almost offensive consistency and texture of the fabric they are wearing. Need we remind you? You’re attending a wedding at which you are not only a guest but a guest of honour. There’s no need to come in Prada, but there are a million and one ways to look stunning on a shoestring budget, brides, without having to put your girls in flimsy crepe paper better reserved for third-grade arts and crafts adventures. We’ve seen it done. Ask for help if you need it. For a very reasonable and affordable price, you can have your girls look like they’re wearing the silk purse. Not the sow’s ear.

All in the Details

Place cards. A small and maybe insignificant detail in wedding planning. And yet, it can go so horribly wrong.

Good :

Bad :

Unless I was partaking in some sort of hoedown, I would never want to find my name placed on a hot dog bun. Ever.

More Than Words

July 12, 1986


Sandy was the happiest girl in the world! She'd just married her best friend in the universe at one of the most breathtaking landmarks either of them had ever seen, and she was so happy, she sparkled as brightly as the heavy beads on her gown. She glistened lightly, under the weight of all those sleeves, and thought back proudly at how far she'd managed to climb along that craggy cliff in her nyloned feet, her easy, open-toed sandals ... oh, the life of an on-call nurse! She was quite satisfied with her last-minute efforts at finding a dress. You'd be surprised how much you could find rummaging through hospital kitchenwares. This costume had only taken her a few minutes to stitch up from some old doilies leftover from a recent conference on pre-natal care. She was thankful for the breeze threatening to carry her veil away after her sudden trek away from the hospital. She looked over at Rob, the love of her life, and immediately, her mind overflooded with wave upon wave of power ballads they would later request at the reception ... wedded life was going to be sweet.

À mon fiancé

Thanks to all our readers for voting in last week's poll on single-stems (which generated a 60% LOVE IT result -- we love it, too!). This week, we invite you to consider:

I love you.
I love you so much, I am not going to wait for you to propose to me (and why should I?) I am just going to go ahead and buy you the low-weight, simple ring (perfect for "sports and maintenance activities") you've always wanted as a symbol of my commitment, and you are going to wear it proudly.

p.s.: this means you should probably get me one, too. Right?

What do you mean you haven't invested?

OR

I love you.
I love you so much that when you propose to me and present me with the stunning cut of perfect-carat diamond of my dreams, I am going to reciprocate by handing over a ring to match (almost perfectly) as a symbol of my commitment, and you are going to wear it proudly.

THAT'S right. Why should you get all the fun in proposing? Why am I the only one who has to walk around sporting a prefiguration of the old ball-and-chain that will keep us anchored to each other for life? Why?

Engagement rings for men: hate it or love it?

Read about them here, then cast your vote.

Our slice:
While we like the idea of visibly branding our men to in some way rope them off from the masses (after all, they are surely pretty irresistible to the ladies if we are willing to marry them ...), we think:
a) for all that we put up with, women should get to keep exclusive rights to the big bling. Did you actually think we were going to let the guys steal our thunder?
b) male engagement rings are for pansies. We like man's men ... you know, the manly and the tough ... go get some hot ink seared into your epidermis if you love us. We'll believe you then.

Nothing says "taken and proud of it" like a tattoo sleeve.

(Plus, everybody knows that most women, if they feel the need or the desire materialistically to reciprocate the gesture of a proposal will do so by another means. One of the articles linked to above mentions "money clips" or "cuff links" as viable alternatives to male engagement rings. Lots of women also plan trips or conjure up other personalised and thoughtful ways of showing their men they care, with or without objects).

Mo' Martial, Mo' Misogyny

Uxorem quare locupletem ducere nolim
quaeritis? Uxori nubere nolo meae.
Inferior matrona suo sit, Prisce, marito:
non aliter fiunt femina virque pares.

-Martial 8.12

(You ask why I do not wish to marry a wealthy wife?
I do not wish to marry my wife.
Let a wife be inferior to her husband, Priscus:
otherwise, man and woman will not become equals.)

Quare non habeat, Fabulle, quaeris
uxorem Themison? Habet sororem.

-Martial 12.20

(You ask, Fabullus, why Themison does not have
a wife? He has a sister.)

BONUS: incest

(type the first line of 12.20 into google image search, and the above is what you get. Sérieux.)

Less Is More. Always.

Lavender. Mint green. Vomit. These are the three shades of color I see in this bridal party. Why, dear Bride? Why would you do that? I mean, you certainly don't have to pick only one color. Of course not. But at least keep the dresses in the same shade! Or, if you want to choose every color in the rainbow, at least choose one style of dress.

I don't even know where to look first. Those colors! That fabric! Those shawls! The draped skirts! Oh, the iridescence!

Thankfully, the bride decided to keep things fairly simple on her end. But she forgot that less is more, even for her MOH (whichever one that is) and bridesmaids.

And "Girl in Mint Green", that's a bouquet you're holding there, not a microphone.

Maybe you should stick with Oscar

Reem Acra. Delicious designer extraordinaire. She has brought us many lovely Oscar gowns and it seems as though every Hollywood actress has worn her beautiful designs at least once. Yet, when it comes to her Bridal Collections, she's just all over the place!

Take a look.

the GOOD: (2010 Collection)

Pretty, right? A little like our TP bride, but with a beautiful mix of silk, tulle and classic embroidery. Well done, Ms. Acra.

the BAD: (2009 Collection)

Everyone who knows me, knows that I love a good hat. But this is a little too ridiculous (Even for me. Which says a lot). I don't think anyone wants to look like a crazed Russian ghost bride on their wedding day. Not cute.

the UNEXPLAINABLE: (2009 Collection)

Hmmm. This is a tough one. I'm not sure what to do with it. Should I applaud this look for being smart and different? Or is it a little too different? Are there any brides out there who would opt for a white (or black) suit? Maybe this was just Reem's way of supporting same-sex marriages? Oh, how political! And being political is so chic nowadays.

So what do you think? Should we give Reem Acra's bridal collection some props? Or should we just stick with Vera and Monique?

Civil Ceremony

A civil ceremony:
It can be (and often is) lovely, but it should not be treated as a larger-scale wedding production. Though you would think this simple idea to be common knowledge, many brides end up not getting it or missing the point. This bride knows what she's doing - almost entirely.

I love, for starters, that her mom is proudly sporting a large hat, coordinated to match her equally stunning and refreshingly modern (for mother of the bride) but still age-appropriate gown. I also very much approve of the bride's choice to go both with a feathered headpiece and with a shorter gown. Especially since she is such a *little* person, a simple dress that hits the knee in a cut that blurs the line between straight-up A-line and ballooning skirt is fun, contemporary, and elegant without being done to death. Clearly, the idea was to go with a "baby doll" look which, though it does not work on everyone, is quite convincingly pulled off here. The sash around the waist and the satin trim in the bust and at the hem are a lovely touch. I am less convinced by the buttons in the bodice, but you can't have it all, now can you? In general, well done, bride.

I take some issue with other parts of the ensemble, however. I am on the fence about these shoes, for instance. There's "baby doll" and then there's "Mommy is letting me wear high heels for the first time!" I like youthful, don't get me wrong. And these shoes, coupled with a bold-print summer skirt could work rather well. Here, however, and quite contrary to their purpose, they fall flat. Also, and you may have noticed, though I am not opposed to covered shoulders per se, anything that hangs limp this way should be outlawed. Pure and simple. What's with the semi-billowing sleeve? What's with it? Are you going to COMMIT to an eighties bolero or not? If you're going to, please go all the way. If not, scrap. Altogether. Just do it. Ditch it. Peel it off. Come on, now ... I know you want to. There's no shame in it ... just undress ... and while you're at it, lose the ostentatious necklace pretending to be discreet and delicate: it looks like costume jewelry. If you must do beads at all, why not opt for the conventional but always classic single string of pearls or, if you are more daring, why not dispense with the collier altogether in favour of drop earrings? I mean, you're wearing a FEATHERED HEAD-PIECE, for crying out loud. We know there's a rebellious wench in you waiting to be unleashed ... RELEASE IT! Let your chest go naked! It can don ugly accessories tomorrow, and for the rest of your life.

So I suppose I like the dress. And the feathers. The rest could have used some work, but all is well that ends well. Where is your maid of honour when you need her?

Nubere nolo

Nubere Paula cupit nobis, ego ducere Paulam
nolo: anus est. Vellem, si magis esset anus.

-Martial 10.8

(Paula is eager to marry [me], [but] I do not wish
to marry Paula: she is old. I would wish [to marry her] if she were older.)

Nubere vis Prisco: non miror, Paula; sapisti.
Ducere te non vult Priscus: et ille sapit.

-Martial 9.10

(You want to marry Priscus: I do not wonder [at this], Paula; you are sensible.
Priscus does not want to marry you: and he is sensible.)


Clearly, we have met our Classical Latin match.

Bridal Store in Japan

Oh, the Japanese. They are so ironic. I enjoy. Although "Black Dress" may have also worked. Regardless, it appears to be filled with some pretty dresses.

Boys will be .... idiots

This, indeed, fellas, is how to do a "casual wedding" (it's just a shame I had to blur out your faces - you're all so very cute). Much respect:


This, however, is going too far:

A Bridesmaid's Lament

Dear Brides,

Choosing a style of dress for your bridesmaids is difficult, right? You want to choose the right color and style for the bridal party picture, right? You also want to make your bridesmaids happy, right? Because sometimes they are the ones paying for the dress, right? Well, here's an idea: how about you choose a dress that is...wait for it...actually trendy!?

I know, I know. This idea may sound a little outrageous at first. After all, it's so easy for brides to lose their sense of fashion (along with their common sense) while they're sitting down watching their bridesmaids try on one awful dress after another. You'll get tired and frustrated and end up choosing the awful taffeta number with the predictable jeweled bodice and draped skirt. Fight the urge, fair bride! Fight it! Your bridesmaids do not want to wear something that looks like it should be surrounding a window frame, and deep down inside, neither do you!

So what's wrong with choosing the trendy dress? The dress that is maybe a little shorter, and maybe a little less iridescent. It's cute, and you know it! Your bridesmaids will be happy. So very happy. And doesn't a happy bridesmaid = a happy bride = a happy wedding day = a happy life?

You'll thank me later.

Bis.,

your future bridesmaid(s)

JUDICIAL SUMMONS

To the below-described defendant : COMPLAINT

Enclosed herewith, please find the official complaint issued by one Sir Sandro Botticelli concerning theft of intellectual property, copyright infringement, violation of legal protection against fraudulent, tasteless, and unoriginal reappropriation of genius, or, to be short, article 3(a) of the Copyright Act (R.S., 1985, c. C-42).

Below follow the plaintiff’s claims to original property:

Item 1: Plain, shapeless, uninteresting though overtly stylistic drapery
Item 2: Figure in playful pastoral stance
Item 3: mismatched and inappropriate footwear adequate for frolicking through rolling hills
Item 4: limp, lyrical, artificially (and unnecessarily) tousled hair

As well as his laments more generally concerning:

Item 1: capsleeves
Item 2: the disposition of one about to taste her First Holy Eucharist

You are asked to review the charges against you and, if so desired, find proper legal counsel. Please present yourself before a judge at Quebec's Superior Court at the below-specified time and location.

NB: Academics accused of professional plagiarism are ineligible to act as legal consultants.

Consider yourself served.

Your expedient reply and cooperation are expected.

We, the undersigned, celia and CCB on behalf, posthumously, of the Most Illustrious, Late Great Sandro Botticelli, M.F.A., 1445-1510.

Today's Bouquet

celia and I recently came across this picture of a new couple, happy, posing for what can only be assumed to be one of their first pictures as husband and wife, and were delighted by this bride's new twist on the very conventional "bouquet" -- a single exotic flower (in this case, a Bird of Paradise in what's known as a "single stem" arrangement) popping brightly against her white gown and complemented by a cascading blue ribbon. See for yourselves:


It's a little blurry, but you get the idea. We LOVE it. Now tell us what YOU think. Submit your answer in our poll (accessible from the sidebar) before Monday, August 24th and look forward to the results!

Function over Fashion?

One faithful reader sent in this photograph:



Don't be fooled by the obvious. I'm not being practical. I'm just too cool to show you my unmanicured hands.

Wow. I think I just found a fiver. Amazing.

I do, I don't

DO opt for a traditional dress with a modern twist. Don't feel like being totally rebellious? Go for a dress that is classic in cut (jeweled bodice and full skirt) but with details that add an extra "oomph" and set you apart from the pack. This bride seems to have gotten the idea with a sweetheart cut and rich ivory overlay. Not boring, but still keeps your grandmother happy.

DO NOT allow your father to wear a mismatched suit. What is this? A night out at Sizzler's? Hell no. This is your wedding day, for crying out loud. Your father can at least have the decency to wear a full (matching) suit. Dealing with a cheap-o? Well then just rent something for the man. He'll thank you later (well, probably not. But you'll thank yourself for dropping 70 big ones on him).

DO NOT, under any circumstances, allow your groom to remove his jacket, tie AND roll up his sleeves during the reception. Unless there is a plumbing disaster in the women's room which resulted in a (serious) injury and he is the ONLY person at the reception with the ability to fix it, there is no need for him to look like a hobo. None. If you are spending the evening in what can only be an uncomfortable floor length bridal gown (if it isn't uncomfortable, then you probably have the wrong dress. Sorry. You know we're right), then he can certainly fight the urge to remove parts of his ensemble. Unacceptable.

DO NOT let your bridal party participate in a rehearsed dance number. Firstly, your bridal party will hate you. Secondly, it looks really lame. Lastly, no one cares. That's right. NO ONE. Sure the guests look like they are enjoying it - they are, after all, standing, clapping and smiling while watching the catastrophe ensue. But really, all they want is for the awkwardness to end so that they can start eating. The only exception to this rule can be found in this video. What makes this work? Well, it is performed at the ceremony and not reception (and unexpected twist!). Also, they aren't taking themselves seriously - they know they look lame, so they're kinda making fun of themselves. Finally, it's just pretty freakin' hilarious. Bottom line: unless you know you can top this masterpiece, don't even try.

Two-Ply

Every bride should walk down the aisle equipped with kleenex. Usually, the Maid of Honour, or some other lucky constituent of the bridal party is bestowed the rare privilege of supplying it and/or safely storing and/or carrying it around. Some brides, however, prefer being
self-sufficient and/or sentimental. This green bride thought she might reuse AND recycle on her big day; why buy a wedding dress at all, when you can just use the toilet paper rendition your friends made for you at your bridal shower? Why should their hard work be forgotten while you steal all the glory? The simple answer is, it shouldn't. And this bride knows her place.

So the TP idea was maybe not the best she's ever had. Still, this bride is serious about her footwear. We simply ADORE the punch of colour she lends to her gown in this simple yet bold, understated yet striking detail. We'd like to see more of that.

Barbie Ties the Knot (around her neck)

Dear Barbie,



I know you're probably on Honeymoon, but I just had to say, OMFG, I can't BELIEVE you're all grown up and MARRIED! LOL! It seems like only yesterday, you were Malibu Beach Barbie, sporting that pumpkin-orange tan-in-a-can glow from your hair follicles to your toenails ... so precious! Now look at you: you're Wedding Bells Barbie, and you've never been lovelier. To me, though, you're just the same old troublemaker, and I really respect that you haven't let coupled life change you or who you are. Just look at your dress: those sequins ... that bling dripping from your ears (you rock it, sistah) ... it's SO Slutty 70s Disco Barbie! And that furry cape is TOTALLY Snow Princess Barbie from the Classic Collection. Good on you for having thought ahead to how cold it can get on these chilly July nights. Plus, I simply ADORE what you did with your hair. Soft, cascading, bleach-blonde tendrils are very early 90s, not to mention an unironic throwback to the memorable Prom Barbie. The glittery strappy sandals, the fake fingernails, and the fuschia flowers just pull the whole look together. Divine. I love it.

Anyway, all is well with me. Just wanted to say congratulations again! You and Ken are a gorgeous couple and I can't wait till you guys start cranking out the kids.

Hugs and kisses,
CCB

Planning

C: can i just say:
nothing makes me happier than the critique of weddings. esp with pictures.
can we please moonlight as wedding critics and bitches? WCBs?
and like have a TV show on like TLC or something?? i mean it might already exist, but you know we'd be better!
we need to get paid for this.

CCB: i know, right? we're going straight to hell, ps ... i was just thinking we should blog together. set up another account and watch it go viral. i'm serious. we're kind of like the fugly girls aren't we? what's the worst that could happen?

we'll have to cut faces out of pictures. meh. details.

C: im ready when you are!
defamation, shmefamation!
pish posh
we can get around that....