I think I'm in love...

LOVE. LOVE. LOVE.

What more can I say?

(Other than, who knew Alice + Olivia had a bridal line?)

Some might call it too "TP Bride", but I think it's divine!

Well done, Mena. You look great. And thanks for getting rid of that awful buzz cut (later transformed into a pseudo mullet) you were sporting for way too long. Not cute.

Dearly Departed

Father Mackenzie had been invited to lunch after the funeral. It seemed only natural: he had known Mrs. Draper for thirty years. Presiding over her final mass had been difficult, but he had found comfort in the presence of her three children and loving extended family.

He approached the banquet hall - this was to be an elaborate affair - and had a peak inside: he couldn't recognise anyone, and the table setting seemed a little superfluous, even for the Drapers, but the black curtains, carpet, tablecloth and slip covers, and the austere damask all signaled grief to him.

As he reached to open the door, he suddenly noticed a bride approach him with a quizzical look on her face. "Are you here for the Johnson-Smith wedding?" she asked. It was then that Father Mackenzie knew that the Johnson-Smiths could probably use a good, old-fashioned blessing.

When I Grow Up

Jamie's wedding was going to be perfect and she knew it. She'd been dreaming about it her entire life, for as long as she could remember. Her mother had accidentally thrown away her favourite My Little Pony years ago, but she still had her trusty unicorn fantasy set on hand, and the three pieces together would make most excellent cake-toppers. Yes. Yes they would.

Looking at Guinevere's wings, Jamie was suddenly and unexpectedly inspired: she would sport her own ... in a dress made by her fairy godmother ... sitting on a swing ... like her favourite Fragonard painting ... oh, how glorious! Then maybe at the reception, she could just change into her old tutu and go Degas ... or maybe she could convince her groom to wear a sparkly chainmail shirt à la Tom Cruise in Legend - that was their favourite movie! This was going to be the very best day of her whole LIFE!

I Don't Want a Rock (DJ) ...

Groom: I don't think it should be all about you.

Bride: No, of course not, honey, but what did you think your wedding band was going to look like? I mean, did you expect me to be okay with you wearing a rock like mine?

Groom: Don't be ridiculous. You know that's not what I mean. But why does my band have to be so ... boring?

Bride: It doesn't. There are plenty of alternatives that could work for you.

Groom: Sure. The Slightly Less Boring ...

Bride: I like this one!

Groom: The Medieval ...

Bride: Hey, look, these ones kind of look like dumbbells. You love working out - you're constantly at the gym.

Groom: Can't wait to pump iron with my pinkie, too. Hey, wait, you're skipping past the "completely crazy" section ...

Bride: What about this one?

Groom: I think my grandmother has something just like that.

Bride: My dad wears something like this ...

Groom: Your ORTHODOX dad got married in 1976.

Bride: You're being difficult. I wouldn't mind it if you wore a small rock like this:

That's kind of nice, isn't it?

Groom: What about studs?

Bride: Studs?

Groom: Yeah, you know ... like bullets all around my finger.

Bride: What is this? Die Hard?

Groom: I like it.

Bride: It takes so little to make you happy.

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Boys Just Wanna Have Fun

Sneaky. Cheeky. Brilliant.

Take Point

This morning, I was pleased to find out that two friends from high school got married this weekend and had a wedding that actually didn't bore me to tears.

And when I'm feeling particularly pleased, I like to award people points.

(please note, dear readers, that when I'm in a sour mood points are taken away left and right. consider yourselves warned.)

+ 3 points go to the bride.

Birdcage veil? That'll get you one big ol' point. Non-traditional bridal hair? Nice! Here's another. Intriguing choice of dress? Uno! The dress has an interesting shape, and I like the two brooches. I also like the one-strap, which falls nicely in the back, along with the train (see below). I might like the back even more than the front. The fabric of the dress kills my soul a little - I hate satin, so I definitely wouldn't choose it for my wedding dress. But, I'll let it slide because the dress works and really suits the bride's personality.

+1 points go to the MOH.

Tie dye? Risky move, but I think I like it (so pretty! so bright! so different!) - along with the detailing around the neck and chest: + 1. Brightly colored bouquet? Why not? I could have done with less pink flowers, but it does make the bouquet less "matchy-matchy": + 1. Unflattering fit of the dress? Unless she's prego (she may be??): - 1. No one wants to wear a sack.

+ 4 points go to the pooch.

Dog, in a tie, walking down the isle with the newly married couple? I die. Photos show that he was up there during the entire ceremony! Sold.

That's Bawlmer, Hon

Tracie: Hey, honey, Chelsea just sent me her pictures from our wedding - wanna see?

James: Sure.

Tracie: Ok, these are not in order ... oh! What a pretty shot of the Baltimore Museum of Industry. You know, I'm glad we listened to that woman at the bridal expo and had the reception here - it's such a staple of the city.

James: It is.

Tracie: Didn't cost that much, either.

James: Nope.

Tracie: Your parents look so happy.

James: I don't think they noticed the Natty Bo place-card at their table.

Tracie: You know I love your parents, but they're a bit of a bore. There's nothing wrong with Natty Bo. He's a Baltimore staple, too.

James: He sure is. I'm sure Jen and Stacey loved the aesthetic - seems right up their alley.

Tracie: What is that supposed to mean?

James: Nothing, baby. Which is which?

Tracie: What do you mean?

James: I mean, which one is Stacey?

Tracie: The MAN! The MAN is Stacey.

James: Right. It's a very manly name. Jen, I think, really pulls off blue-collar 50s chic here, bull-style nose-ring and all.

Tracie: Are you making fun of my friends? Of OUR friends?

James: No! I like her hair ... it's a nice colour. She matches our décor.

Tracie: You're an asshole.

James: Hey, at least my friends came looking normal.

Tracie: Just because Tyler's wearing a shirt and tie doesn't mean he looks normal. Would it have killed him to shave and get a haircut? Oh, I suppose he might have if his easy-breezy beautiful granola-licking girlfriend had decided, for once, to do something with her own hair other than sweep it up into the same ponytail she wears home from the gym.

James: That's my sister. You put her in the wedding party.

Tracie: Yeah, and she's also the one who convinced me to wear this napkin on my head and this horrible plastic ring and mismatched earrings. What was I thinking listening to her?

James: The flowers in your hair are pretty.

Tracie: Are you changing the subject?

James: No, babe - just focusing on the positive.

Tracie: When do you go back to work?

James: We JUST got to Jamaica.

Tracie: It's gonna be a long honeymoon ...

Dance me to the end of Love

Faithful reader Nina sent me a link to this blog today, where I found the following "elaborate proposal":

http://wedinator.com/2010/06/02/funny-wedding-video-elaborate-proposal/

Now. I like modern dance, contemporary dance, almost any kind of dance. I also like a man with balls so gigantic, they don't preclude his choreography to one of the lamest songs ever written (and potentially one that doesn't have anything to do with anything). Ultimately, this proposal made me cry. But as I put myself in Claudine's shoes, I didn't know whether to think, "God, my boyfriend is SUCH an attention-whore -- is this my moment or his?" or "Wow. This is SO sweet ... look at how many people he got involved, just to show me he loves me."

I guess I would have to know Claudine's boyfriend to be able to judge whether this type of gesture is just par for the course, or so outside his comfort zone that it actually means something.

Thoughts? Love it or hate it? Imagine being proposed to in this way, and vote today.

(Luke)warm Palette

Although it was eons ago, some of you may remember our post "Pop, Quiz, Hotshot" and the bride who (indirectly and unwittingly) submitted her wedding photos for our evaluation. You've been waiting for another pop quiz. We know it. We feel it. Well, wait no more.

In our most recent "Pink" post, you learned how NOT to do the girliest colour of all-time. We love it when our readers listen to us, which is why we more or less commend you, bride, on your incorporation of prototypical femininity on your big day. See:

Your bridesmaids' dresses are more or less the same colour as the ones in our previous post, only their flowers, rather than being an attempt at "matchy-matchiness," delve into the orange that will become a larger part of your overall scheme later on. Solid.

We like that your reception revolved around a family of related colours happily married. We like the peach tablecloths and the pink gerber daisies, if only because they are so nicely held together by the hanging chinese lanterns.

We appreciate that your parents didn't try to mirror each other exactly or disappear in the wedding party: we like a tasteful print on a MOB, and full-length florals are all the rage this season. We question the coordination (with anything other than your mother's dress) of the yellow boutonnier on your father, but we generally approve of this look.

We commend your effort to include some punchy colour in your own ensemble: the ruby in your necklace (which we like as a stand-alone piece -- well done) picks up perfectly the gamut of pinks in your bouquet, and jazzes up a dress that otherwise falls rather flat (sorry).

Overall, we think you've done well, but we would have liked to see you take a few more chances with your construct as a whole. If you are going to go pink in the way you went pink, you kind of have to commit to a certain level of ridiculous-contemporary of which we only see glimpses.

It is difficult, indeed, to harmonise the traditional with the more modern, and you gave it a solid try - we aren't even offended by the beige suit on your groom given your countryside venue. We give you a healthy 80% for presentation and overall vision.

Pas pire, hotshot.

Pink, as the bing on your cherry.

Pink:

The color of love. (puke)

The color of passion. (barf)

The color that some brides just can't seem to avoid. (sigh)

Many girls love the color pink. That's fine. But just because you think it's pretty, does not make it an appropriate color theme for your wedding.

The color pink has to be done very carefully and thoughtfully. One wrong move, and your wedding could end up looking like Barbie's funhouse - not cute.

Take this wedding. It's not even that the bride went that overboard on the pink. I'm sure it could have been a lot worse. The problem here is that there was absolutely no sense of cohesiveness. You cannot simply use every shade out there and assume it'll work just because it's "pink". Let's take a look:

The wedding party :

There isn't anything too offensive about the bridesmaid's dress. Hell, I think the Bride may have even been reading WB's Bouquet Guide when choosing her flowers (pretty!). But that shade of fuchsia may be just a few shades too bright, that when paired with that fabric, ends up looking tacky. Also, the pink and black tie on the groomsman is completely off. And, let's be honest, a little on the ugly side. And, is he waving?? Unacceptable.

The table of honor:

The MOH's dress seems pretty, but that soft pink (unfortunately) clashes with all the other shades bastardized at this wedding. The cake is also quite awful - both in color and construction (the ribbon looks Barbie pink). And are those gifts wrapped in pink and BROWN? What does brown have to do with anything?

The music:

I don't care if you're the best wedding DJ in town (does that even exist?), that setup is atrocious! And kinda sleazy.

The guests:

I assume the DJ/MC forced these get-ups upon the guests. At least the men got to wear florescent green. Not pictured: each hat came paired with color coordinated sunglasses. (Also, have you not read the WB post about how wedding guests don't really want to participate).

Oh pink. Because you are so very...