Mini Me

Mrs. Dalloway was not entirely satisfied with the cake she'd ordered. On the one hand, she adored hydrangea, especially when they blossomed in this particular shade of blue. On the other hand, it was true that she'd never consciously pair them with (cliché) white roses as the florist had. Neither would she ever be caught dead using what looked like artificial versions of her favourite flower as a cake topper, least of all when coupled with genetically warped Morning Glories. And the doilies atop each tier ... oh! Don't get her started on the doilies!

What was more, Mrs. Dalloway was unsure whether this cake was trying too hard to be matchy-matchy with its surrounding bouquets and failing (miserably), or whether the opposite was true: maybe it had hoped the slightly brighter hue of blue on its petals would set it apart from the larger floral arrangements in a still classy and tasteful way. Maybe it had failed in doing that, too.

She was glad the caterer had talked her into having cupcakes made for the event: everything made more sense this way. Still, as she watched the fancily-clad guests fill into the near-perfectly manicured room, she wondered whether she'd have been better off with pink and purple freesia and last year's baker.

Three Strikes

I knew I hated this wedding the minute I laid eyes on the first online set of photos documenting it. Hate. All of it. In a big way. It wasn't until album 3 (of 3), however, that I decided it was egregious enough to post about. After all, we at WB don't like to waste our posts on only lukewarm offenses: if we have nothing bad (or nothing exceptionally wonderful) to say, we prefer saying nothing at all. I wasn't sure, at first, that I had anything SO bad to say. Now I'm sure (and how could I not be?)

So, here are the bridesmaids and their gowns:


I think it's clear that I disagree with this gaudy-that-borders-on-tacky choice. I don't like the jewels on the few girls who are wearing them. I like that the dresses are short and tailored to each maid, but I don't like much else about them.

Still, with the flowers (only poorly showcased here), things could be worse.

And together, it made for a sort of nice effect.

But then there was this:

x2.

TWO matrons of honour in TWO atrocious attempts at modern-ancient Grecian numbers in a hideously mismatched colour and fabric? TWO floor-length disasters in chiffon? Wow.

And then there was my prom date:


and again:

I only wish you could see his face and all eight of his chins. I no longer feel so bad about losing touch with him 9 years ago.

I decided recently that I deal well with young people (under 10), old people (over 70) and animals (mostly dogs). Everyone in between, I don't really care for. The flower-girl at this reception, though she matched with no one, melted my heart with her dance skills.

And thank God she was there to save the sinking ship. 20 years from now, when planning her own wedding, she'll look back at these photos gratefully as a reminder of what NOT to do.

Then she'll hide and/or burn them all.

Ahead by a Century

is a great song by The Tragically Hip.

This headband

is behind by two decades by a bride who is Tragically Trying Too Hard, and obviously failing.

(The over-crystalled bodice? The plastic tablecloth cascading in greasy ruffles in pseudo-skirt form? The mismatched earrings? The offensive hairdo? The unoriginal bouquet? The headband is maybe the least of this bride's concerns.)

There were subtler - and much, much prettier - options available to you, bride.

(I know you can see an "epic guide" in the making.)

Leo?

I really wanted to comment on this bride's dress, because the skirt seems kinda pretty - so lightweight and flowy.

But I became way too distracted by her groom.

Listen up, Groom. You are NOT Leonardo DiCaprio at the Romeo + Juliet premiere.

So do us all a favor - button up and put on tie.

Where's my beer, woman?

Because who wouldn't want their MOH to look like white trash?

Tacky red dress AND cornrows?

Yes, please!

Real Subtle

Penis Veil.

Well, what else am I supposed to call it? That's basically what it is. A veil. With a bunch of (caucasian) penises attached to it.

For a bachelorette? Oh. How creative of you.

Don't get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with penis paraphernalia at a bachelorette party. But, can you at least try to be a little more inventive and innovative with it?

This just seems lazy. And poorly executed.

Wardrobe Malfunction

Dear Bride,

The tie fastens up under the skirt. (It's not really that cute as a bracelet).

Dear guest,

Your underwear is showing. The washroom's around the corner.

Much love,

WB

Scroll-Down Bridal Fail

Oh, bride. You were doing so well. The flower in your hair, the cinch belt at the waist, the pretty but not overly ornate sweetheart-cut bodice ... I mean, the skirt's a bit of a snore, but whatever. Overall, you looked solid.

What on EARTH is on your feet? Where was your MOH and her intervention team when you bought these?

1995 called: it wants its confirmation shoes back.

Man Enough for Me

THIS is quality male bonding time.

(even if endorsed primarily by our grandfathers)

THIS is appropriate pre-gaming.

(even if endorsed primarily by our fathers)

THIS is true love.

(getting a white boy into Indian gear isn't easy)

THIS is a hell of a hat.

(and purse!)

Well done, boys. You dun made yo' mamas proud.

Here Come the Brides (?)

Julie's big day had finally come, and she couldn't wait to showcase the dress she (and, by association, Fernando) had saved up for months to buy for just this day. Encrusted the skirt over with crystals, her gown was a princess' dream and had cost a small to medium-sized fortune. But it was alright, she thought. She'd justified her purchase by deciding to put her bridesmaids in duplicates of the other dress she had on order just in case her gem didn't get delivered on time, or was ill-fitted, or stained, or otherwise imperfect. It was a good thing she'd had a plan B: it was coming in handy after all.

But now Julie had other things to worry about. Which of her two best friends would be her maid of honour,

and how would she make them both feel special? She'd promised the austere and traditional

Lucy the spot years ago, while madly in love with Chester and before she'd even met Fernando. Since then, though, she'd gotten inordinately close with the bright and edgy Pamela who

had proven her salt in the most difficult of times. What was worse, the girls couldn't agree on a style or a colour for their dresses.

She'd just have to go with both. It was only a shame that no one present would understand either girl's function within the wedding party (or at all).

Bridal Flop

Time for a reader pop quiz. This one's easy: we know you can get it.

Q: What's worse than flip-flops on a bridesmaid?

(see answer key if necessary)

edirb eht no spolf-pilf detnecca :A

10 points if you got it right.

Travel Journal

Dearest readers,

Well you can't say we’re not dedicated.

Recently, CCB and I took a little vacay to good ol’ San Francisco. Even though we are constantly on the lookout, we did not find any atrocious destination "Wedding by the Coast" to report on.

Yet, we did come across this beautiful gem :

Take that, St. Hubert Street!

This must be the greatest bridal shop in all of Calfornia. Not only are these glorious portraits sure to lure any bride into this establishment, but one stop service AND a 3D slide (show ?)?

What more can anyone ask for ?

You’ve impressed us, San Fran.

Readers, take note.

Bisous,

celia and CCB

Priorities

When planning a wedding, we at WB will be the first to tell you that it is important to prioritise: develop an itemised list of things to do or concepts to explore, then streamline, shortlist, rearrange. It's a formula that never goes wrong.

Consider:

Plastic chairs and dollar-store decorations: check.

Lack-lustre (and mismatched) colour scheme for groom and groomsmen: check.

For table (plus underwhelming centerpiece): check.

Garish flip-flops for bridesmaids: check.

Flower girl's hand-made seating arrangement chart: check.

Open bar: check.

Candy bar and croquet: check, check.

Honestly. How did "candy bar" make it next-to-LAST on this list (asks the woman disapprovingly watching the flip-flop-clad BM make her way down the aisle. Jesus. Where's my sour kids after that?)?

(former) First Daughter

As a First Daughter myself, I understand what it's like to grow up under constant public scrutiny.

(ha.)

But Chelsea Clinton did a pretty solid job - all things considered. Sure she had that awkward frizzy-red-hair + unflattering clothing stage. Nothing a good blowout and a Marc Jacobs friendship couldn't fix.

Anyways, CC got married this weekend (to some guy named Marc Mezvinsky) in Rhinebeck, N.Y. at Astor Courts, and she looked beautiful.

CC wore Vera Wang. I absolutely love the skirt of the gown - the overlapping organza is gorgeous (and it doesn't even fall into the TP danger zone). And I love the belt, which makes the dress seem very modern and adds that extra oomph to the bodice. CC also wisely chose to go with simple jewelry, which was a good move because a lot of bling may have been distracting against the embellished belt. Same goes for her classic bouquet.

CC went for simple and understated, but definitely did not bore. From one First Daughter to another - well done.