Pink, as the bing on your cherry.

Pink:

The color of love. (puke)

The color of passion. (barf)

The color that some brides just can't seem to avoid. (sigh)

Many girls love the color pink. That's fine. But just because you think it's pretty, does not make it an appropriate color theme for your wedding.

The color pink has to be done very carefully and thoughtfully. One wrong move, and your wedding could end up looking like Barbie's funhouse - not cute.

Take this wedding. It's not even that the bride went that overboard on the pink. I'm sure it could have been a lot worse. The problem here is that there was absolutely no sense of cohesiveness. You cannot simply use every shade out there and assume it'll work just because it's "pink". Let's take a look:

The wedding party :

There isn't anything too offensive about the bridesmaid's dress. Hell, I think the Bride may have even been reading WB's Bouquet Guide when choosing her flowers (pretty!). But that shade of fuchsia may be just a few shades too bright, that when paired with that fabric, ends up looking tacky. Also, the pink and black tie on the groomsman is completely off. And, let's be honest, a little on the ugly side. And, is he waving?? Unacceptable.

The table of honor:

The MOH's dress seems pretty, but that soft pink (unfortunately) clashes with all the other shades bastardized at this wedding. The cake is also quite awful - both in color and construction (the ribbon looks Barbie pink). And are those gifts wrapped in pink and BROWN? What does brown have to do with anything?

The music:

I don't care if you're the best wedding DJ in town (does that even exist?), that setup is atrocious! And kinda sleazy.

The guests:

I assume the DJ/MC forced these get-ups upon the guests. At least the men got to wear florescent green. Not pictured: each hat came paired with color coordinated sunglasses. (Also, have you not read the WB post about how wedding guests don't really want to participate).

Oh pink. Because you are so very...

Open Letter to Pnina Tornai

Dear Pnina Tornai,

Recently, I have taken to watching TLC's "Say Yes to the Dress." On a loop. For hours. I'm not sure what the gimmick with Kleinfeld's is, or why they seem to feature your dresses almost exclusively on every episode, usually in the "out of the bride's budget, but exactly what the bride wants" category but sometimes in the "slutty bride" category, too. Maybe you are their chief designer. Maybe you are paying them big money to advertise your line on nationally syndicated television. Maybe Kleinfeld's is just particularly fond of you. Either way, watching the show got me interested in your gowns. Some are really quite pretty. For example:

Granted, these all differ vastly from the two gowns I have already designed for my own wedding (which may or may not fit so well at 80 years old), and I would probably only realistically wear one of the first two, but there is something in these gowns for everyone: a classic look gone modern (low waist, photo 1), a little drama (extreme tulle, photo 2), a little fairy tale flare with a tasteful detail (Cinderella ballgown with beading, photo 3), a little old-school romance (capsleeves, photo 4). If I saw any girl sporting any of these numbers at her wedding, I think I would react favourably, granted it work with her body-type and overall approach.

Some numbers, however, bore me:

Some confuse me:

(Now I know why Lady Gaga, Marie Antoinette, and the caged bird sing.)

Some I would expect and be more or less happy to see on the red carpet at the Oscars:

Most, including a fair amount of the above, are inappropriate:

Many (and your entire 2010 collection) offend me:

The rest just leave me cold.

Please don't misunderstand me, Ms. Tornai. I'm not saying that you have no talent as a dressmaker, or that your vision is always heartbreakingly wrong. Nor am I implying that your gowns haven't earned their place in the US's largest upscale wedding dress warehouse, or that they aren't loved by many free-spirited brides on Daddy's infinite budget. I guess I just wondered if you made anything for real, down-to-earth, normal girls who feel a little uncomfortable about displaying large chunks of their midriff or exposing all of their breasts (minus nipples) on what has been called the most important day of their lives. I also wondered if maybe your gowns would appeal to a larger portion of the bridal population if they weren't so bedazzled with jewels that put them well above and beyond most brides' (as per TLC's suggestion) very *reasonable* 3,000$ budget. It might be more advantageous to you, too: spending less on bling means you could spend more on fabric, which means more of your dresses could actually come to completion before they get put on the market.

Does anyone ever ask you to fill in the gaps you leave blank in her dress before her wedding?

Another thing I wondered is if you got your start in Vegas or on Carnival Cruise lines. If you are unfamiliar with these venues, I suggest you look into both: I see a bright future for you at either location.

One last note, and this, to your (indirect) patron, TLC. I am not sure who you think The Life Channel's audience is; perhaps you have grand delusions about who it should be, and that, I suppose, would be fine, too. Let me assure you, however, that the only people watching are stay-at-home whatevers, my sister, or students (like me) looking for any excuse to procrastinate. None of us makes millions. We are not Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian, nor do we dress like them. I don't think very many of us have 11,000$ to spend on rhinestones and chiffon. If you are looking to be a network exemplary of your audience, you might reconsider the role Pnina Tornai plays in "Say Yes to the Dress" for the sake of consistency.

Maggie Sottero is far less glam, that's undeniably true, but she makes decent wedding gowns for 1,500$ if you want them, and many of us do.

Truly yours,

CCB

You ARE the weakest link

So, just out of curiosity, what is it that these pictures:

have in common with this picture?

They come from the same wedding.

"What?!" you ask, "but the midnight blue gowns, even if the shawls are hugely overbearing, with the mother-of-pearl coral necklaces would have looked SO much nicer with a cool silver or slate grey palette on the groomsmen." Yes. Yes, you are right. "And the bride could have just chosen rhinestone beading over pewter in the bodice, and that would have held everything together." Right again. You're doing so well, reader. "Are you sure this is from the same wedding? Same bride? Same everything?" I wish I were lying.

I mean, if you disregard the mortal sin of combining red and pink tastelessly and thoughtlessly, you might even call this wedding regal ... crowns and all.

"Yes. Such a royal flop, the failure is almost poetic."

Almost.

Showered with...

I don't care how "funny" you are trying to be.

How "original" you think you are.

How "enjoyable" you think this will make your Bridal Shower.

Penis cupcakes are NEVER ok.

Especially when of the ridiculously "untamed" variety (see bottom left).

Coming soon to a mess hall near you ...

The legendary Tim Burton and first-time Oscar-winning director Kate Bigelow team up for their first full-length feature film collaboration: The Corpse Bride in Iraq - a stunning visual experience and a gripping tale of black satin, rifle bouquets, and army fatigues.


The New York Times calls it "Remarkable" and the Washington Post gives it a good, old-fashioned, army salute.

Coming soon to a mess hall near you.

Thanks, Adam, for this fortuitous find.

No, no, no, no, no

Michelle: Yo, B, we's been dancin' for hours. Can I take off my shoes?
Beyoncé: What? No, Michelle. No you canNOT take off yo' shoes. We got a video to shoot.
Kelly: But B, it's like that time we were at that wedding where, by the time we got to da conga-line, the bridesmaids was so spent they just put on they flip-flops ...


Beyoncé: No, no, no, no, no
Kelly: But it's really yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah?
Beyoncé: No, I'm sayin' NO, no, no, no, no


Michelle: But it's really yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah?
Beyoncé: Gurrl, now you just actin' a fool. Dass da same wedding where the bridesmaids was wearin' two-piece tube dresses and holdin' cheap flowers.


Michelle: But my feet hurt.
Beyoncé: Do you WANT to be a superstar or not? (to herself): I swear, one day, imma go solo on these bitches ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYEqt29MEgQ

Well, this takes a lot of effort.

Apparently, the newest fad in Save The Date invites is to make an "EPIC Wedding Trailer" - essentially, tell your guests to "save the date" via a (YouTube) video.

This one is (supposedly) the best video to date.

I have to say, this is well done. But, I find it only really picks up around the 2:30 mark - maybe that's because they should have edited about 2 minutes out?

Check it out:

(I know. It's off-centre. But this is as good as I could get it. Don't blame Jeff and Erin.)

What do you think?

Horribly tacky? Yes. Lacking taste? Most definitely. Maybe a little funny? Ummmm...yes.

I have to admit, I found myself laughing more than a couple of times. Maybe I'm losing my edge.