Ever wonder what the guests at your big day REALLY thought of your dress, the reception venue, or the string quartet over-dramatizing every moment of your saunter down the aisle? Welcome to the only online site ballsy enough to out the bad decisions that may land you a divorce. You did? You shouldn't have.
Nowadays, we rarely find a bride who wears anything other than a strapless wedding dress. To be honest, when we think of a wedding dress with sleeves, usually images of awful throwbacks to the 80s come to mind. But sleeves seem to be making a comeback.
Some sleeves are good. Some are bad. And some are just scary.
The good:
The thing about sleeves is that usually, they have to be delicate. We love the dress in this picture. The sleeves are light and soft and simply add to the overall style of the gown. This dress is for a fashion-forward bride who appreciates the direction sleeves have been taking in la mode today. A sleeve with a good "pouf" is very fashionable today, and a fearless bride will recognise that. Now if only we could find a wedding dress with a good modern shoulder pad à la Balmain.
Most popular sleeved wedding dresses are made with a slight Victorian influence. The dress found here is quite simple, but the high neckline really complements the cut of the sleeve. What's more, the necklace being used to accessorise the dress adds that extra "oomph" and keeps the dress from looking bland.
You know, if you're going to go with sleeves (and you think that a transparent chiffon or lace sleeve is pretty lame), you might as well commit all the way. Sure, this may look like something Keira Knightly might wear while running around a pirate ship with Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp; it's still irresistibly chic. The sleeves are longer, but flow with the silhouette of the gown - a shorter capsleeve just wouldn't do. This number would give any Plain Jane wedding dress a run for its money. Don't be afraid, brides! Grab your fans and show 'em what you've got.
But please, for the love of everything holy, do it with panache.
This, readers, is the wrong way to do a full sleeve.
Exhibit A: The Nostalgic Bride
I hate to be the one to tell you this, but I overheard American Apparel talking to Club Monaco circa 1999, and they're not happy with you. Basically, AA wants its bodysuit back, and CM99 can't understand why you would deface one of its off-the-shoulder, business-casual tops by tacking it to a shapeless skirt. Also, though they both appreciate a good detail in their products, neither of them can see why you insisted on having the ribbing in your bodice match your personal va-jay-jay grooming pattern.
Exhibit B: The Cleaning Lady
Did you forget your clogs in the backyard with the chickens and the corn? Everybody loves Cinderella, it's true, but if you're going to emulate her on your wedding day, it might be better to aim for a gown more like the one she wore to the ball, instead of the rags she donned to clean the fireplace.
Exhibit C: The Astro Barbie
Unless you are Jo-Jo Savard or intend to get married on the moon, we don't recommend anything that can even remotely be considered "fanning," "whimsical," "glittery," or "iridescent." Save it for Halloween, though: it would make a fantastic fairy-godmother costume.
This is the wrong way to do a half-sleeve or a quasi-sleeve.
Exhibit A: The Handmaid's Tale
Whan that Aprill, with his shoures soote The droghte of March hath perced to the roote, Than longen brides to goon on marriages.
Let that be a lesson to all. (I know it's Renn Faire season. I know. I'm sorry.)
Exhibit B: Sposa Bella
Boleros: were retro-cool for about thirty seconds in 2004. By now they've been done to death. Move on.
Finally, this, dear readers, is the wrong way to do a short sleeve.
Exhibit A: Paper-Doll Pouf
So, remember when you were little, you used to get those books where you could take the cardboard cut-outs of people and prop them up and dress them? Remember how their clothes were always stiff and crumpled? Remember how it was 1989?
Yeah.
Exhibit B:
You know what? Never mind. I was going to give this some mean and snarky title, but I've reconsidered. I really like the top of this gown. I do. I used to have a T-shirt just like that when I was twelve, and I was the envy of every girl in my class, INCLUDING those who had already hit puberty and whose boobs were way bigger than mine. Nothing but good memories, ladies ... nothing but good times.
So, to recap, what did we learn on the show tonight, WBers? -there is a wrong way to emulate history. - fortunately, there is also a right way to wear a "period piece" on your big day - just be prepared to cite Chaucer on demand.
Remember that time we went on and on about two-toned bridesmaid dresses? Both the good and the bad?
Well, here at WB, we like to think that someone read it and actually listened to our advice - because this bridal party definitely knew what they were doing.
How gorgeous are these ladies? Although we aren't entirely sold on that shade of purple with that tone of gold, you cannot deny how interesting this all looks! We also love each style of dress (as well as the bride's) - especially that backless number!
Bridal hair can be tricky. Tricky for the bride. And tricky for any and all members of the bridal party. So what's a girl to do? (Bridal books barely offer any help.)
For starters, how about checking out the Wedding Bashers’ guide to bridal hair!
HAIR GUIDE
by: WB
DO keep it classic, but DO NOT be boring. Drama, people. D-R-A-M-A. You don’t want to put your guests to sleep. This Bride got the idea. She kept it classic with a chignon, but turned to the trendy side of things with a gorgeous braid. So interesting! So fabulous!
DO keep it simple. A sleek and sophisticated look CAN be wedding appropriate (not everything has to be curly, soft and cascading)! Check out this Bride. With her short haircut, she could have gone the wavy route. Instead, she chose a 60s-styled curled in bob. And instead of wearing an overpowering veil, she opted for a delicate headband. We love it!
DO opt for something a little fun. DO NOT be afraid to be different. How lovely is this Bridesmaid’s look? The braid! The loopy waves! The golden headpiece! There is nothing about it that is “stuffy” or “stiff”. And there is nothing about it that we don’t love!
Speaking of stuffy and stiff.....
DO NOT go for the “tight and flat” look. Not sure what we mean? Here is a good example. This Bride went for the tightest bun we have possibly ever seen. It even gives her head a weird shape! Also, why would anyone want bangs so flat on their forehead it looks like they were pasted on with Crazy-Glue? Why? And don’t even get us started on that pointy catastrophe sitting at the top of her head. The whole look is so incredibly stiff, she could poke somebody’s eye out. Watch out, guests.
DO NOT be predictable. How many times have you seen a bride wear this boring hairstyle? Bangs flattened to the side. Hair in contrived waves. Half of it pinned up. The other half left "loose" and “cascading”. Tacky tiara firmly fastened on top of head. Awful veil attached to the back. Here are two (out of far too many) examples. If we catch one more bride with this look, our eyes may actually start bleeding. We blame Ken Paves.
Bachelorette parties. They can be fun. They can be disasters. They can be delicious, sinful, wholesome, or *other*
but should they go zodiac?
Who doesn't love astrology? What bride, if she considers herself in any part a "Renaissance woman," wouldn't die to know what the heavens hold for her and her soon-to-be-husband a short time before their lifetime commitment to Each Others' Virtues and Vices? I have lots of friends who practically *live* by the zodiac (or at least like to pretend to), so I ask, of all the things you *could* do at a bachelorette party, is this idea (below) a good one?
If the bride knows her Sun and Moon signs, plus her fiance's rising sign, we can predict with almost perfect accuracy that she'll love a New Age party. Hire a tarot card reader and an astrologer to do everyone's chart. This idea can be a big hit -- and not just with the starry-eyed bride. Who doesn't want to know what the future holds?"
I mean, I suppose knowing the timespan of your marriage might help you prepare for its eventual end, by death, divorce, or whatever else. I wouldn't suggest this approach for anyone prone to Runaway Bride Syndrome, however.
Have your say - vote today!
And while you're at it, TELL US WHAT YOU THINK: be the first to leave a comment on this or any other blog entry, and stand ready to win a special, secret, Wedding Bashers prize.
We're serious. Don't you wish you knew what it was?
Last week's poll on party favours for children revealed a 100% "hate it" result - thank goodness the little people are not yet taking over the world.
We've been on a "nice" kick recently, and neither of us knows why. We're both angry individuals, but lately, we can't seem to find much but good, tasteful detail in the wedding photos we've been browsing.
Take, for example, the neck-wear on these girls.
THIS, ladies, is the kind of drama you want. I don't even know what to say about it - I think it speaks for itself. These necklaces are gorgeous, work perfectly, and you can see why.
I love this bride and everything about her, from her short, satin-lined veil to her simple but oh-so-classy and still interesting (because asymetrical, and slightly off-the-shoulder) dress, to her proportionate accessories, appropriately tamed hair, and stunning fall bouquet. I. love. it all.
We found this gem listed as one of the "Top Ten Trends" in weddings. We're all about planning and organization, but this is just plain irritating.
Wedding Newsletters
Many brides are beginning to send out wedding newsletters to keep family and friends up to date with news and plans. Newsletters can save you from making numerous phone calls. You can send one out every other month via e-mail. You can included information such as when bridesmaids and groomsmen need to get together for fittings, give information about yourself and the groom, a schedule of events for the wedding weekend and much more. Use it to your advantage!
Wedding favours. Many people consider it vital to send their guests off with *some* small gift as a token of their appreciation for their participation in the day's joy - and we support. If tasteful and/or practical, wedding favours can be great additions to any home. They don't have to be big or even conventional to be effective: I once received a little olive dish with three associated olive-studded pronged toothpicks, and have more than once put it to good use.
But let's not get confused or side-tracked: wedding favours are, in fact, tokens, aimed, as much as possible, at being gender-neutral, and intended to please the greatest amount of guests present.
Weddings are utilitarian enterprises.
What do we do, then, when, because many of our friends are already married and have young to pre-teenaged children, a considerable slice of the guests at our Big Day are under 12 years old?
Are wedding favours - think DIY kits, candy, or a plethora of plush - for children a good idea, or even acceptable?
Tell us what you think this week.
Many people are going this route, as a recent internet search revealed to me. We think it's kind of any bride to be so considerate of her company that she would go out of her way to ensure that even the miniature people witnessing her next step into adulthood would get some tangible fun out of doing so. But we also think that having wedding favours for children is kind of a little ridiculous. It would be a GREAT thought to tailor the gifts intended for the children in the bridal party - flower girls, ring bearers - to their individual tastes and interests. We support that. But going any further would be both unnecessary and unpleasant for the bride and her chief executive staff of organisers. Besides, how many people would even think to commend you for helping their children collect cavities?
I say all this maybe only because I am accustomed to Italian-North American weddings, which take the word "excess" to disproportionate embarrassment. There, having wedding favours - for the children of 300+ almost always whiny, overly judgmental, and nearly never supportive or satisfied guests - could only turn into a showy (and potentially grotesque) display of wasted energy.
Save the cutesy for the Baptism or Christening, Christians.
We'd love to hear your piece, though, so vote today and have your say. Love it or hate it?
Your votes last week revealed a 66% "need to see more of it" result - we'll try to find other avant-garde bakers to showcase ...
A MOG (mother of the groom) who decided that it was OK to wear a dress that is practically white (and generally inappropriate).
Or a MOH (maid of honor) who decided that it was OK to wear a leopard print dress with CUT-OUTS at the waist (nope. your eyes are not deceiving you. that is, in fact, actual flesh you see), thus forcing the Best Man to wear and ghastly leopard print tie.
Maybe we should just blame the Bride for having agreed to all this crazy.
At Wedding Bashers, we are fully aware of the power of St. Hubert St. in Montreal.
We are also aware that the boutiques on St. Hubert usually contain some of the most heinous bridal (as well as bridesmaids, MOH, prom, etc., etc.) gowns you'll probably ever find.
What we aren't aware of is that sleeves are apparently making a comeback. Sleeves, dear readers. SLEEVES.
This photo was captured during an innocent walk down St. Hub. Little did I know I would find something so offensive to my eyes.
At first I thought it was an awful bolero (also, vomit inducing). But, no. They are just sleeves. Sleeves which look like they belong on a dress for a 3 year old.
Is there suddenly a demand for sleeved bridal gowns?
You're a simple girl. You like a classic and glamourous look without all the whistles and bells, and your heart is still stuck somewhere in your grandmother's closet. You like being the life of the party, but not at the expense of your guests. You shine - always and unapologetically - but hate outshining the rest.
Girl, I know you. I am not unlike you.
There are wedding dresses made for you, too.
See this bride, for example. The sleek cut of her gown, its creamy colour, the rich but subtle lace overlay all hint at genuine vintage (or successful emulation of genuine vintage). The satin sash cinched at the waist brings it back into the 21st century.
"Something old," "something new," potentially even "something borrowed" are all taken care of.
"Something blue."
Here it is. This touch of colour, though neither pronounced nor even, really, noticeable upon first inspection, is, to me, a perfectly viable replacement for a veil that would do nothing more than, like this ribbon, add to the dress in a slight but still present way.
Girl, you've done well. You could have been tempted to go overboard with your "avoid the spotlight at all costs" philosophy. You could have, for example, insisted on wearing a short, flapperish number that, while undeniably pretty, would do little to set you apart from the crowd or showcase you as the Lady of the Day.
This bride looks lovely. She does. I like this dress from its colour to its cut (although the plunge at the neck could have been a tad deeper - we are not, after all, little girls anymore) to its beaded and embroidered details. This bride has chosen to walk down the aisle in another genuine-vintage-look number ... at least I think she's the bride ...
Girl, subtlety is a wonderful tool, but no bride should disappear or, what's worse, blend on her wedding day. Make it floor-length, add a headpiece and a dramatic necklace, and you're set.
"Something old" shouldn't have to mean "something forgotten."
Someone (bought and) wore the pocket-dress. We saw it with our own four eyes:
We think, however, that in this case, it was for the best. At some point in the evening, this bride likely did away with one of her three pieces of mismatched jewelry, stashing it safely in her pocket, we assume.
Reminder to all brides: anykindof-bling drop earrings DO NOT work with a single string of pearls. Least of all when a feathered headpiece is involved. Each of these items is acceptable on its own. Even a combination of two out of three and a substitution of the other would have worked brilliantly. String of pearls + pearl studs + feathered headpiece = divine. OR bling drop earrings + simple bling pendant + feathered headpiece = lovely. But this particular mix just. doesn't. function.
CCB: Doesn't it look like a center-piece to you? Like, I mean, instead of a large floral arrangement, this couple went with several smaller ones and a baked (and iced and frosted) good.
celia: Yeah, you're right, but I think it's also supposed to be the wedding cake? Like every table gets one, and when it's time for dessert, they just cut it up for themselves, no?
CCB: Now that I think about it, I think you're right.
Readers: huh?
CCB: Yeah. I'm not sure how I feel about that.
celia: Yeah, I don't know ... I mean, it's kind of plain and boring to start off with.
CCB: I mean, it's definitely very convenient, and I kind of like that it's DIY - I like audience participation at big events ... and in general.
celia: and it's kind of cute that each table gets its own mini-wedding cake ... like it really makes the guests part of the experience.
CCB: I agree. But what happens if your guests attack it before dessert?
celia: Are your guests starving douches?
CCB: Maybe my guests are starving douches.
celia: oy. I don't know ...
CCB: So, backburner this idea?
celia: let's open it up to discussion.
Readers: huh?
Hate it or love it? Vote now.
Thanks to everyone who voted last week: 100% of you HATED engagement rings for men. Yay feminism!
Did you forget your clogs in the backyard with the chickens and the corn? Everybody loves 
Gorgeous. Just gorge.
