Recessionista, outdoor edition

(telephone rings, groom answers)

Groom: Hello?
Bride: Babe? OMFG, I JUST got my bank statement for this month ...
G: Is it that bad?
B: Looks like we're going to have to do some budget-cutting and SERIOUS prioritising for the wedding.
G: It's ok, calm down. How bad are we talking?
B: It's pretty bad.
G: Ok. Alright. Let's approach this systematically. We're having our wedding outdoors, so we can't do away with the heating lamps, otherwise our guests will freeze. This is October in Quebec.


B: Right. But we also can't get rid of the canopy Jason built to cover our ceremonial table! That was his gift to us!
G: Please don't remind me.


B: And we have to keep the white tent, too ...
G: Yes, you're right. What's our seating arrangement like? Had we decided?
B: I can't believe you're asking me these things six weeks before the wedding. KEEP TRACK! STAY ON TOP OF THINGS! We were going with cushioned white wicker, remember? We left a deposit for 100 of them last week ...
G: Oh, yeah ... right. Ok, no problem: we'll swallow the 10% deposit, halve the guest list, and just collect lawn chairs from our parents and all our old relatives.
B: Lawn chairs?
G: Yeah, you know the plastic ones everyone keeps on their back porch or patio for "home use only"? Like, your parents have a set.
B: The ones my mother refuses to offer to guests?


G: Yeah, those ones.
B: Are you sure that's a good idea?
G: Do you see any other solutions?
B: I guess not. What do we do about our ceremonial table, though? Can we keep that?
G: We have to. My mother would have a heart attack if we didn't.
B: How could I forget?
G: We'll just minimise everything ... so we get those same plastic chairs, and we'll just use an old bedsheet as a tablecloth.
B: Your mother is going to kill me ...
G: She'll understand.
B: Fine.
G: Do you feel better?
B: Not really, but maybe a little.
G: Are you coming over tonight?
B: Babe, we've been through this: I would, but I have to go pick up the tin cans at RONA for Aunt Wanda's mums ... the ones that are gonna line the aisle?


G: Oh yeah. I forgot. Call me when you get home.
B: Fine. Love you.
G: Love you too.

(click)