Some take the High Road

while we take the low road, and we'll be in Scotland before them ...

I just googled "Scottish folk music" and stumbled upon a list of great classics, not any of which tells a happy tale of long-lived, felicitous love. Why so glum, sugar plums? Do all your bonnie lasses really leave you for their gypsy rovers? Hardly likely. More plausible: none of you insular bards ever came across this unlikely source of inspirational wedding-ceremony bliss:

and that's just the beginning.

So, this wedding is perfect, we decided. But for the sake of the argument, we'll throw in a formal evaluation. What's more: we'll do it à la TLC's "Four Weddings" (because, let's be honest, who are we if not judges and TLC whores?).

The show rates weddings based on the following four categories:

1) dress

2) venue

3) food

4) overall experience

We might have to substitute "food" with "miscellanea" because although our senses are acute, they're not so sharp that we can pronounce judgment on things they've never experienced.

Humour us.

And let's begin:

1) dress

I dare any of you to find me a single flaw with this dress. One. Single. Flaw. Just one. The fit: impeccable. Design: not so ornate that it induces epileptic seizure, but not so boring that it inspires sleep. The detailing is tasteful, the cut complimentary, the overall look divine. And while we're at it, let's talk about the bouquet. Didn't we tell you long ago that we loved an orchid variant on the single-stem arrangement? Yes. Yes we did. Sometimes, readers, you make us so proud, our eyes hurt with love. They HURT with pure, unadulterated love.

10 (+2 point bonus for feathered headpiece)

2) venue

See above, really, x2. I'm not sure this couple could have managed to find a more genuinely - and not cheesily - picturesque location for their wedding. Nor do I think they could have managed to make a small ceremony in something that doesn't look like a church so becoming. These chairs are a nice alternative to pews. This space - from the stone to the wood panelling - is understated but stately. There is so much class in this place that I may never teach again.

10

3) miscellanea

I'm not quite sure where to begin, but let's start with the groom. Let's talk about how dashing he looks in his kilt. Let's discuss the tears he is openly and unapologetically wiping away. Let's talk about his matching ring bearer.

Let's all agree that without knowing him, we would probably marry this groom in a heartbeat if he weren't already taken.

Let's talk, next, about this bride's ring. We've more than once lamented the fall of the conventional look to this streamlined "minimalism" we occasionally hate. And if this bride weren't so distinctly and obviously athletic, if her nails were not so naturally manicured, and if she didn't strike us as such a sophisticated, 30-something composition of grace and style, we would probably hate her ring. But we don't. We love it. We want it.

We also want our bridesmaids to look this cute drinking from their groomsmen's flasks on our wedding days. We want them to wear dresses that, because tailored to their bodies but still uniform to our scheme, look good on them. We want them to be just as pretty as we are (okay, maybe not JUST as pretty, but close) on our big day. We want everyone to be fortunately accessoried and coiffed. We do. We look forward to it.

10

4) overall experience

I mean, in case it wasn't clear, we give this wedding 100%. Even the photographers' introductory blurb to their festivities spoke of a down-to-earth sincerity and natural comfort to this production that not only set everyone at ease, but insured every guest's enjoyment from start to finish.

Well-done, couple. You can take 100% from WB to the bank -- readers may never see one again.